20 Things That Make Me Happy

It’s no secret that the last year has been tough, and this year has been more than a little challenging. I have been going through some rather difficult and trying times. There were many things that I’ve experienced—most of which I wish I hadn’t. I would love to say I was just in a “rut,” but that is so far from the truth. Although I admit, there have been a few times that being in a “rut” has been true. When you experience as much personal upheaval as I have in such a short period of time, it takes a while to find your bearings.

Funnily enough, the age-old saying that when one door closes, another opens makes me want to throat punch whomever first said it. A few of those doors I did not want to be opened. In fact, I would prefer that those *itches had been welded shut, never to be opened. However, they did and all I can do is try to come out the other side of it. Over the course of the last year, I have given up on a lot of things. Some because I had no choice in the matter, others because I couldn’t find my joy in them any longer. Yet, even more than I couldn’t physically do. 

I kept telling myself that once I got through this “hurdle,” whatever it was, I would get back to normal. At least to my normal, I wanted to be myself again. To know that I could get up every day and do the things that I always did easily was a comfort. The problem is that once your life changes in even the smallest way, you are never the same person you were before. 

All you are left with are the lessons and experiences of whatever you went through. That is something I will be sharing with you over the course of the rest of this year. My biggest lesson has been to accept that things aren’t going to go back to the way they were. That I have to find happiness and contentment in the way they are now. My new normal means I can’t do some of the things I did before. In fact, I will never be able to do them again. However, I can learn new things and strive to find new joys. 

So I sat down and made a list of the things that make me happy today in this moment and that I am grateful for. The first list was rather long, about five pages at least. So I narrowed that down. Mostly because I realized that I had put things on there that I couldn’t do anymore. How could something honestly make me happy that I wouldn’t ever be able to experience again? Yes, they used to make me happy, but if I was honest with myself, it made me sad to think about them anymore. I was determined to break that habit. 

This is my list right here, and I highly encourage you to write one of your own. While my actual list is still a little longer, I thought I would at least give you the twenty biggest things. 

20 Things that Make Me Happy

1. My family: the kids, my parents (yes, my dad, even though he has passed), uncle, sister, brothers, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews. Even though we are a little crazy sometimes, as most families are, I can’t imagine life without them.

2. My books: Even though I have been in a bit of a reading slump, I still love them all. They take me places I never imagined I could go. 

3. My heated blanket: I never thought I would use one as often as I do (and I hate it when I wear a heart monitor and can’t use it), but it reminds me of when I was young and my grandmother would turn it on to warm up the bed. 

4. My favorite, small pillow: I got it before a trip to hospital so I could put my book on in while in the bed. It is a toddler pillow but I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have something like that in the hospital or clinic with me. It’s a comfort I never thought I would need.

5. My divorce: Yep you read that correctly. I don’t think I would have been as strong as I have become if I was still married. I would have never made it until this point. I think I would have given up and just died. I was that miserable in my marriage and I would have death as an escape.

6. Cut off sweats: Who knew that they would end up being the best pants to wear to clinics for treatments. They keep warm but not too hot. They can easily be taken off and on. The comfort is unmatched. Not to mention they make deciding hat to wear so much easier.

7. Road trips: which are so much fun and I can’t wait for the couple that I have planned over the course of the rest of the year. I am so thrilled that the one in july has already been approved by all of my doctors. The fact that I have to have trips approved is not lost on me either. 

8. Audible: This has helped me so many times in the hospital when I couldn’t physically hold a book up to read. I could always listen and be taken away from the pain and machines. 

9. Cooking:  I love to cook and bake. This year I haven’t been able to do it as much as I would like but I have a stack of recipes to try and share with y’all. 

10. Summer: I don’t know why, but this year the thought of summer coming has made me so happy. I think it is because I have such plans and the kids will be back with me. 

11. Grocery shopping: This is something that I actually had to build back up to doing in the last year. I am finally to the point I can walk through the whole grocery store without needing a scooter or wheelchair to manage it.

12. Music: I love listening to music and had gotten away from it or some reason. This year I started back and realized that I forgot how much happiness and joy it actually brings me.

13.  Board-games: I will play these before I will watch television. I actually saw the Game of Life in the Goodwill the other day and almost bought it. Then I realized it was missing some pieces but I plan to buy it for our summer vacation. 

14. Comfy socks: I always have a pair stashed somewhere. I always include it in my tote bag because my poor feet are always cold. 

15. The nurse who always manages to stick me the first time: Yep, I know that sounds nuts, but I am a difficult stick when it comes to drawing blood or placing an iv. It can take five or six tries most of the time. So the nurse, lab tech, or whoever gets the first time always makes me happy. 

16. Productive days: There are many days where productivity just doesn’t happen anymore. So if I have a day (like the one where i am writing this post) I get so excited. It makes me few so normal again.

17. Spending time alone: I am one of those people who can find joy in spending time alone. I spend most days taking care of the seniors citizens who are always telling me what to do and how to do it. So when I have a moment alone I am more than thrilled. 

18. Walking: I enjoy the mornings when I am able to get up and take a walkk. I try to do it most days but some are harder to do that than others. I go early in the morning and it is so peaceful. I love watching as the world around me wakes to begin a new day. 

19. Writing: It is something that I have always enjoyed even if I am not very good at it. I love just sitting down and writing whatever. It helps me find peace of mind and clarity. 

20. Waking Up: When you are diagnosed with a disease that can and will kill you, just waking up every day is one of the happiest things. I’m not trying to be morbid, but there have been moments in the last year when I went to bed and I wasn’t sure I would wake up. Things had gotten that bad. 

One of the important lessons I learned in the last year was to stop taking life for granted and to be grateful for every moment. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, so do the things you want today. Tell those you love that you love them, and don’t waste your time on those who make you unhappy. 

This list is much harder to remember when things aren’t going well. On the bad days, I struggle to remember why I even try to get out of bed. On the days when just sitting up is too hard, the days when I struggle to take a breath, those are the days that I have to go back and look at this list. These are the days that I have to work harder to remember all the happiness and joy that I have so that I can fight to move forward. When you’re facing and dealing with a lot of pain and a lot of uncertainty, you begin to feel angry and resentful. You spend too much time asking “why me?” Those are the moments when this list is the most important to me.