5 Things This Week – May 25, 2023

This week I had some appointments and was more than a little nervous. I also managed bang up my right foot. I was able to get from my chair to the potty. When I sat down my foot slid out and smacked the shower. It’s a little bruised and hurt but at least I didn’t break it or anything. Just one of those things. I have been getting around much better than I have been which is a huge plus for me. I don’t feel so useless for lack of a better word. 

1. Feeling and Movement

I can move my left arm and have feeling in it! I can’t tell you how huge this is for me. While I would love to say that I can get up and walk sadly I can’t. I can wheel myself in my chair though. While I do have movement I have learned I have to be careful. That arm gets tired easily and I can over do it rather quickly. I am just happy that I can move it. I don’t have the strength or coordination yet to type with both hands or cut my own steak.

2. Grocery Shopping

I went grocery shopping yesterday. I hadn’t done it at all since my stroke. I had been giving lists and someone else was doing all of it. Yesterday I got out of the house and went. Of course, I had plenty of help but it felt good to do something so normal. 

3. Memorial Day Plans

I spent some time planning a cookout for Memorial Day as well. We haven’t done that in a while and I am hoping that helps brighten everyone moods a little bit. It seems like we just put off having any sort of cookouts for the last couple of years. I am not sure why but we used to do them regularly but for whatever reason backed away from them. So, I thought this year why not. I planned out what we would eat and what I could do on my own. I can do some of the cooking but other things I will need help with. I did buy pre-diced onions and stuff when I went grocery shopping to help myself. 

4. Therapy as Usual

It has been mostly therapy this week as well. I have been working hard at getting in better shape and using what I have at the moment more to my advantage. I can’t walk but that doesn’t make me helpless. I can do a lot for myself on my own now. Doesn’t mean I don’t need help, it just means my therapy is working and I am becoming more self-sufficient in my current circumstance.

5. Truth Time

Honestly I haven’t been in the best head space in the last few weeks. This is hard as hell. There are plenty of times that I think it would have been better if I hadn’t woken up while in the hospital. I feel useless most of the time. Until I was able to move my left hand and arm I felt like nothing but a burden. While I know that I wasn’t and could never be it doesn’t change how I feel. It is stressful on so many levels that no one can really understand. Yes, I am talking with someone about it but I sometimes come away from those appointments far more irritated than feeling better. I want to punch the therapist sometimes, and well it all goes downhill from there. 

Life is stressful when things are going well and now it’s like a million other things have all been dumped into my lap and I am expected to grin and bear it. Smiling some days just hurts more than showing how bad I truly feel. I have spoken with my doctors about all of this and we have a plan but there are days when I want to tell them to shove their plan up their booties. It will get better and maybe this time next year I will look back and see I am better for having gone through all of this.