A Deep Breath

As I am approaching my 36th birthday I find that I am looking back at all the things I wish I had done and all the things left I still want to do. When you get you a certain you begin to reassess your life and you find that many of the things you thought was important when you were younger isn’t at important anymore. I used to think if I wasn’t a success then I was nothing but I now find being a success is simply in the eyes of the beholder.

I spent most of my life waiting for the “big” thing to happen that I didn’t always notice all the smaller things that were so much more important. I have a wonderful family who is crazy as all get out but are there when it counts. We are different and diverse in so many ways but we understand one another and love one another. I have been blessed to have parents who, even though they struggled to raise four children, managed to make each of us the adults we are today (as different as we each are.)

Growing up the fat sister was not always easy, I spent years wanting to be thinner and prettier. Now I don’t care because I know that I am never going to be skinny. I have learned to accept myself and love my body just the way it is (although I am working on dealing with a few extra pounds.) Learning to accept has made me happier in my life.

Most of all I have been lucky that the love of my life is also my best friend. No matter how bad the day has been or what goes on he always knows when to call me or to say just what it is I need to hear. I never have to tell him, he just somehow knows. He knows when I need something more or when all I need to is be told everything is going to be alright. If my children get so lucky in life to know that kind of love then I will be more than satisfied they have had a good life.

There are still plenty of things I want to do in this life. Plans that I have that I know God will change for me because that age-old saying “The way to make God laugh is to make plans” is true. God has found a way to show me that my plans are small compared to the ones he has for me and I have come to learn that I must go with it. The truth is his plans have always had a way of being a millions times better than the ones I have for myself.

So as I take a deep breath and get ready to blow out all those candles I can honestly say that I am truly happy with my life for the first time in years. All the pain and disappointments have been what led me here and I am grateful for every heartache I had because without the heartaches I wouldn’t know the joy.