A Diagnosis & Financial Relearning

My mother is the strongest woman I know. She raised four children while managing the finances for a household of six. Not to mention did most of it alone a good portion of the time. My father worked endlessly so my mother wouldn’t have to. Although she did hold down a job once we were all in school. I never once thought she would struggle with anything.

When my father passed away I was proven wrong. My struggled so much to the point that I moved her in with us so she wouldn’t be alone. She was simply so broken hearted that she didn’t want to do anything. Thus I took over dealing with her bills, her banking, and her day to day life. As she got older she less and less when it came to her every day life. Then she got diabetes, heart disease, and such and she began to do things like get out of her pajamas more. she helped with the kids more and many other things. She didn’t handle her finances because she was unsure about technology.

Recently, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure (the same thing my father died from) and knew I needed to ensure she could handle things if I die. I asked her to tell me what she knew about her bank accounts. She said she stopped writing checks and using the debit card before my father had died. She had messed up the account and ending writing a couple of checks that bounced. My father paid everything and took care of it all but she was afraid. I was floored! I never knew this happened and now my sixty-seven year old mother was afraid to use her bank account.

I kept thinking there has to be a better way for her. A bank that will help her understand everything without confusing her or worse scare her so much. I know that although I am fighting to survive there is a chance she will have to handle all of her finances again. I recently heard about better system that is in the works. It is called Flyp and I am certain this will be the bank for her. It will be one that allows you to easily open an account but more importantly if she messes up she won’t get hit a $35 overdraft fee. they are building a financial system that will provide her the help she needs when she needs. She will be able to ask questions and get those answered.

Learning all of this about my mother made me think. I have been going through and making out the lists of things that need to be done in the event of my death but she needed things too. I made a list for my brother to help her get things set up in the event that I can’t. It is a list that many parent caregivers need to think about ensuring you have.

Below are a few items on my list:

Identity

Make sure you have or they have their proof of identity, and always know when it expires. My mother’s was expired when I looked at it the other day. She said since she no longer dove she didn’t it mattered. I told her that it was important. she needed one to open a bank account, get on a plane, vote, dang near anything.

The main forms of identity that are critical are:

• a valid driver’s license
• a state issued identification card
• a passport

Bank Account

It is important to know their bank account information. More importantly is to make sure they are comfortable with their bank. That they understand the account they have and how to use it. My mother is not comfortable with her bank. She said the people inside the local branch look down on her whenever she goes in there and make her feel stupid when she asks questions. Again, this was something I did not know. she doesn’t do a lot of banking on her own and never made a remark about it before. I am working towards helping her understand and use her debit card more effectively and tackling mobile banking. She is certainly on the list to open a Flyp account when they launch later this year. You can sign up today at weflyp.com/waitlist/

Bills

It is important to have a list of every bill they have, how much is due, when it due, and how it gets paid. Millions of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. One of the biggest reasons is that they don’t track their spending. For the elderly that you care for they need to know what their bills are. My mother had no idea that money was coming out of her every month for her insurance. She thought that was simply part of what she got from my father.

Investments

I also made a list of the investments she has such the stocks I purchased for her. Those accounts are important because she gets dividends from a couple of them. These payments add to her check every month so it is important to stay on top of them. There is also the retirement account that my set up for her when they got married. He spent almost 26 hers paying into this account for her. It was separate from the one she had with her job. It pays out monthly as well so my brother (as well as mother) will need that information.

As I sat there writing all of this out I couldn’t stop thinking about how lost my mother would be if I hadn’t asked. If I hadn’t taken the time to talk with her. What would have happened if I had died suddenly prior to this conversation. Banking and finance shouldn’t ever make someone feel as though they are less than. Yet, my mother feels that way now. She said she didn’t years ago when they first open their accounts. Getting older shouldn’t mean your bank ignores you because they don’t think you matter. It is one of the things that I know she is going to love about Flyp. They will treat her like she matters and make her feel just as important as the twenty year old that opens an account.