One of the first things you learn when you are in a bicultural relationship is that the world sees you as different. I never thought anything about it but of course he did and so did the rest of world. Especially living in the South where as much as I hate to admit still has a lot of the old views on things. It is something that is simply born and breed into some (not all!) Southerners and there is little you can do to change that view-point.
However the very fact that our relationship was bicultural has made me a better person. I was forced to learn things about his culture that I probably never would have known. I was forced to step outside of my comfort zone and grow a thicker skin about a lot of things. I became a part of a family that was so different from my own yet they never once saw or treated me as an outsider. I was accepted just the way I am.
I learned to love myself just the way I am as well. I saw myself through his eyes (in the beginning) and that woman was not the overweight, shy, weak girl that I had spent a lifetime believing I was. Instead I saw a beautiful, vibrant woman who has learned over the years that she can survive and conquer anything. It has not always been the easiest relationship to have but then most relationships aren’t easy. I have had to endure a lot and learned how to say I need more but because of it I am the woman I am today. I don’t know where any of this goes from here and that is okay.
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I think it’s wonderful that you’re able to have this perspective about the value your relationship still holds, even though it’s clear it’s still painful for you. I want to expose my girls to as many different cultures as I can, because I absolutely agree that it makes better, more interesting people.
It really does change you. You have to learn to step outside of yourself and see things you never thought possible.
Sounds like you overcame allot, that’s what makes you so special no matter what people think or say of you, just remember that!
Thank you! Sometimes it is easier to believe the negative but I have learned to look beyond it.
Reading this makes me very happy! You are starting to see yourself as others see you. We see you as a strong, beautiful independent woman. We lost you for awhile but you are starting to come back better and stronger. You are correct that no relationship is perfect, but you are taking the right road and making yourself and your children a priority. Congrats to you!
I did go away fro a while. I got so wrapped up in the “us” that I forgot about the “me” but I am working my way back and learning to be stronger along the way.
It’s hard to believe that racism is still accepted as a way of life, but as we continue to love each other and share that love, I truly believe that those who have always lived thinking that it is acceptable will come around and love will change their hearts!
I believe that too Jeanine! I think that the world is changing and many of the old views are dying away. We now look at one another and see the person not the culture or race.
its not easy sometimes being in a relationship and having to learn something that was never taught to one.. I know for myself my first marriage I had also gone through some changes because of being in a bicultural marriage. things had to be a certain way and so much other stuff … its a learning process.. thanks for share
I am a Southerner, too, and I understand that many, many people have closed views and not much curiosity about any culture other than their own.