Breaking Down The Barriers: Helping Friends Dealing With Mental Health Struggles.

Poor mental health can affect any of us at any time throughout our life -, which means that it’s easy to emphasize with a friend who may be struggling. After all, it may not have been too long ago when you were in that situation itself. However, it’s important to remember that there are plenty of steps you can take to help your friend navigate this difficult time in their life, helping them feel more like their usual self again in no time at all.

Make mental health part of your everyday discussion. For too long, the stigma surrounding mental health struggles mean that those who may be suffering choose to do so in silence. This is due to the fact that they feel as though they will be judged for speaking out, or that people will begin to view them differently. You can help erase this stigma by making mental health part of your every discussion and making a real effort to be open and honest about how you feel. 

For example, One way you can become a better advocate for mental health, and help your friend, is by always responding to the question, ‘are you okay?’ honestly. We are often conditioned to respond to this question positively, saying that we’ve had a good day or that things are going well – even when this is not true. Though you may have heard this phrase thousands of times before, it’s important to remember that it truly is okay not to be okay – and reminding others of this can encourage them to speak up and speak out. In short, it can help open the door to important, productive, and helpful discussions – and all that it requires is a little honesty on your behalf. 

Know the signs. Sometimes, a person who is dealing with mental health struggles may not come to you directly to ask for help – but that does not mean they do not need support. In these cases, it’s important that you are able to identify the signs that suggest a person may be struggling so that you can reach out to them as opposed to the other way around.  For example, you may have noticed that your friend or loved one is: 

• Unusually withdrawn or quiet. 
• More tired than usual or struggling to sleep.
• Irritable and grouchy.
• Unable to focus.
• Lacking enthusiasm, even when it comes to their passions.
• Worrying more than usual over things that may seem trivial.
• Turning down plans, or avoiding socializing. 
• Experiencing sudden weight loss or weight gain.
• Dealing with issues regarding their appetite. 
• Not responding to conversations, in person or over the phone.
• Falling behind on their personal and professional commitments. 

However, it’s important to remember that the above list is not exhaustive and that different mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression can manifest themselves in extremely different ways. However, if you spend a lot of time with this person, you’ll likely be able to tell if they have undergone any kind of personality change. If so, it may be time to pull them aside for a conversation. 

Do not put them on the spot. Once you have noticed that your friend is struggling, you may be feeling keen to engage in conversation with them right away. However, this could make your friend feel somewhat uncomfortable, especially when you are in a public space – and as a result, could encourage them to withdraw even further into their shell. Instead, you should start the conversation by saying, ‘I noticed that you have been behaving a little differently lately and wanted to check that you were okay. We don’t have to speak about it right now, but I’m ready to listen whenever you are ready to talk’. Not only does this let your friend know that you are there for them, but it also ensures that they remain in control of the conversation. During this stage, it’s also important that you do not try to diagnose your friend and should avoid using certain words such as depression or anxiety unless they have mentioned them themselves. 

Do some research. Another way in which you can begin to offer more support to your friend is by doing a little more research regarding mental health and the way in which people experience different conditions. While you will not be expected to become an expert overnight, having a little knowledge under your belt will help you when it comes to offering support and advice or when signposting your friend to resources that may be useful to them. For example, if your friend has mentioned that they have treatment-resistant depression, instead of asking them to explain it to you, which can lead to further stress – do a little research yourself so that you can understand the condition on a deeper level. For example, you could begin by simply figuring out what is treatment resistant depression and how it may differ from different forms of the condition.

Be a good listener. Sometimes, a friend or loved one who is dealing with a mental health condition may not want you to offer them solutions or for you to tell them what to do. Instead, they may just need somebody to listen to them. As a result, you should work on being an active listener, ensuring that they feel valued and respected whenever they choose to open up. For example, you should ensure that you never interrupt them when they are speaking. You should also ask questions to keep the conversation going where appropriate while letting your friend know it’s okay to share as little or as much as they want with you.  However, if you notice that your friend is becoming particularly uncomfortable, ensure that you can find a way to bring the conversation to a natural close until they feel ready to talk again. 

Reserve judgment. Whenever your friend chooses to open up, you must respond to the conversation in the right way. For example, while you may not understand why your friend is feeling a certain way, you need to give them the chance to explain themselves instead of making any assumptions about their behavior. It’s also important to remember that while their behavior may be out of character for them, you should not respond with any signs of shock as this again could cause them to retreat.

Help them make changes. There are plenty of changes you can make to protect your mental health. For example, our diet can improve our mental state, as can exercise, exploring your hobbies and spending time outdoors. However, it’s easy to lack the motivation or energy needed to make real change when dealing with mental health struggles. As a result, one way you can better support your friend is by making changes alongside them. For example, you could set aside some time each day to go for a walk together or attend cooking classes where you can both learn new skills. You should also help them cultivate a self-care routine. 

Spend time doing something they love. Sometimes, mental health issues can cause a person to abandon their hobbies or passions because they are lacking in energy. However, you can help them feel more like their normal self again by encouraging them to keep up to date with their hobbies. 

Know your limits. While you can take many different steps to support your friend during this difficult time, it’s important to know that you are not solely responsible for their recovery and that you simply cannot do this alone. Knowing your limits when it comes to offering support and guidance means that you will again be able to help your friend by signposting them to services or resources that are more equipped to support them. For example, you could suggest that they attend a therapy or psychologist session or sign in to an inpatient program. However, it’s important to acknowledge that they may initially be unwilling to seek out professional help. This is because it means that they will have to acknowledge that they are dealing with a serious issue. However, you can make this process a little less scary for them by simply letting them know that you are there for them every step of the way. For example, you could even drop them off or pick them up for their appointments. 

Final Thoughts. 

In short, there are various steps you can take to support your friend as they navigate their way through this difficult time – many of which revolve around simply being there for them. Being vocal about your own feelings and letting your friend know that you are always there whenever they want to talk is a great way to engage them in a productive, helpful conversation.  While this may not be the solution to their problem, it simply lets them know that you are there for them no matter what. 

Furthemore, the more we speak about mental health – be that with our children, friends, family, or even our colleagues – the easier it becomes for people to speak out and seek help when they need it.