The time that Edgar and I have spent apart has been both difficult and a learning experience for me. Dealing with the heartbreak and getting up and get through each and every day was hard. I spent a lot of time praying and trying to understand why it all happened.
What I discovered is that the reasons are both simple and complicated. First I did nothing wrong to cause the separation but then neither did he. Circumstance caused our separation. He felt the way he did because in trying to be the best husband and father he could be he was left alone many times. I too was alone many times with everything and everyone coming first in our lives.
We told ourselves that everything we were doing was for the good of our family. The truth was that while we were working hard at making sure the family had we forgot to make sure us, as a couple had. That is a hard realization to come to for anyone. However, it is something that can be repaired and worked on. That is where we are now, repairing the damage and the heartbreak that came with that damage.
![\\\\\\\"\\\\\\\"](\\\\\\\"https://d5nxst8fruw4z.cloudfront.net/atrk.gif?account=r2cEh1aAod000d\\\\\\\")
Some of the most powerful and true realizations we as humans have is during times of heartache and turmoil. I am a firm believer that nothing is ever broken beyond repair, there are just those who choose to give up and those choose to take a different approach to fix things. I commend you both for not giving up! I am so HAPPY for you both and wish you the best of luck!
This is so true–life can get so busy with “important” things that the truly important gets pushed aside, and sometimes until it is too late. So glad both of you see what has been happening and are ready to make a change and repair any damage.
Me and my hubby have been at that point before. As heartbreaking as it is to go through it it will make both of you stronger and closer. Making sure the relationship is solid will make everything else that much easier.
Rita, you are so brave for sharing your experiences so publicly. I have only been married for less than two years and I have heard that managing life and a marriage can be challenging down the road. I will pray that you both find peace within your repairing phase now.
Diana C
Diana,
My best advice would be that you always talk to one another, don’t wait til tomorrow for anything, say I love you everyday and mean it. My dad once told me that the key to a happy marriage was to argue often. At the time I thought he was nuts. He was right though because a couple who takes the time to argue, takes the one to care. When you stop arguing, you stop caring.
So sorry Rita, I have also been at this place. My husband and I were separated for over a year. We made it work. The thing we had to remember is that it is tough out there for ANY relationship to work…financial struggles, family life, closeness issues, time, physical and mental stress and often loss of faith. It can tear a couple apart. When people want to put on their walking shoes, we all must remember…the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence AND that fence might have barbed wires on it! It all takes so much work and yes, carve enough time out to be a couple. We have a hard time with this now with a lot of chaos in a little house and kids involved in so much. We always say, when the kids are grown we will: take a vacation, go out for dinner more, put each other first, etc. It really does just take a commitment. Problem is, it HAS to be with both people…and often it is not. Prayers to you girl, for you are strong and faithful. The lessons will come back to you both in stronger hearts. <3
We always said when the kids are grown too. What I have discovered is that waiting could mean we are doing those things alone. Why wait until the kids are grow and we are too old. No more waiting for tomorrow when we can live for today.
Though my husband and I have never been separated, there have been times when we have talked about doing so. And it was for things that neither of us could help, but that put a terrible ~ awful strain on our marriage. But with prayer and understanding we were able to “mend our fences” and move forward. I think the pain of the heart is one of the hardest to bear. My prayers are with you and your husband as you find the courage to mend your fences.
Marriage takes work everyday and we are now paying more attention to the work of being married.
I am so happy to hear you are working on your marriage and not giving up. God doesn’t want divorce for any of us, I pray that you and Edgar can work it all out and with God in the mix I’m sure you will.
We are trying and while each day is a struggle we are getting there.
You really are amazing and I think God has given you much strength and your faith has certainly helped you out. I remember having times just like you’ve spoke of. It is true, when we have a family, there is so much more that goes on with having kids that we can tend to push our partners away. But that seems to be with everyone. Our kids come first but yet we do have to find a balance for one another to fit in there. I remember days that at the end when we could spend time together, I was whipped, just exhausted from all that went into my day. Take it all one day at a time Rita and I’m wishing you both a lot of luck with working things out. God Bless you all!
Thank you Sandy. I know that without God’s blessing we would be lost.
I completely understand how you feel recently my husband and I separated and we are going through some difficult times. But we are working to repair our relationship and our differences.
Vanessa,
I will be praying for you both. I know how hard it is but I also know how you can recover.
I feel for you. It is so hard to make couple time. My husband and I struggle with this. We are the WORST and making time for date night, but we are slowly changing. Best wishes to you and Edgar as you reconnect.
Thank you Jean! We are working very hard at this, much harder than ever before.
I am so happy and proud of both you and Edgar. You both made the choice to work on your marriage. I think all marriages go through a strain at one point or another. I think a lot of it comes down to believing in each other and what you have. I know for myself it was the loss of a child that almost drove my husband and I apart. We worked hard to survive and have a good marriage. We make sure we set aside time for each other. We love or kids but we also need us time. We learned that life is so precious and can change in a moments notice. You have to be there for each other now. Don’t wait. The dishes and the housework and everything else will be there later. I believe that you and Edgar can overcome these trials and flourish. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.