I suffer from depression an there are moments when that darkness almost pulls me in. If you have never experienced depression it is hard to explain. Things can be going wonderful and the. The smallest thing can pull me down into the bed for days. I am very sensitive as well so I cry at the drop of a hat. There are moments when I wished I was never born.
I know to some it sounds crazy an at times it does to me as well. Life is hard and for someone who has a mental illness like depression it can be even harder.To make matters worse I also have OCD. The compulsions can make depression a living hell. The need to make the bed every time I get out of it when all I want to do is lay back down can drive me nuts. In the end the depression almost always wins.
I hide my depression from the world. I smile when I go out even though there are times when I am dying inside. Sometimes it feels as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I never let my children see, instead I cry when I am alone or in the shower.
My depression has recently been very bad to the point I have even considers suicide. I am not sharing this with you for sympathy but to help you understand mental illness. I have far to much to live for but depression can take you I the darkest places of your mind. Through the years I have been in this place before and I always turn god when it happens. My prayer is always the same “give me a reason to go on. Make me get out if this bed.”
He always answers whether its a knock in the door, the phone rings, or my children need me at that moment for something.
There are medications I can take but they make me unsteady. I end up sleeping through my children crying when I am on them so I don’t take them. I am very receptive to certain types of medications. i take a Tylenol pm and can sleep for three days. So instead of drugs I go to therapy and talk with god.
Those things help me, medications help most people so never stop taking your medications or anything because of something I said or you read online.
If you know someone who is suffering from depression talk with them and get them help. Depression is a living hell! It truly is, you feel as though nothing good ever happens a d that the world would better without you.
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I have a sister who has severe depression. So I can understand some of what you are going through. I have seen her go through it for years. It is a constant battle. She has to take it one day at a time. I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that it truly is a disease. Like any other disease it needs treatment. Treatment is different for each person. There is no one pill that works to “fix” everything. You are in my prayers. Keep fighting the battle.
It is not easy but I take it one day at a time.
I think that it takes a lot of bravery and love for your readers to be so open about your depression. I too am having a hard time with it right now. Seems like it always gets harder this time of year. This year esp since we are having such a hard time financially. There will be NO Christmas shopping this year and I love to shop for my family and friends. It is hard to get out of the bed sometimes, I know from experience. But please remember that your family, friends and readers all love you! God is an anchor! “By His Stripes I Am Healed” Rita! You are always in my prayers.
You are always in my prayers as well Robin. It does get hard this time of the year but when I see the joy in my children’s face I am reminded of why I get out of the bed each morning.
I had 3 whole paragraphs written but I deleted it, still not ready to share my story openly, it’s too hard at this time.
I am so thankful that I have never had to go through depression like this. I’ve had moments but I can’t classify it is a true mental illness. I can only imagine how difficult it is to go through this. I pray that God will provide you the comfort you need to get though your times of depression.
My heart hurts for yours. I understand all too well. I have depression, anxiety and PTSD. It is so hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been there. On my better days, it’s even hard for me to wrap my head around it and feel it the same or similar way. Maybe that’s my body’s way of protecting myself.
Hugs and prayers to you. I hear you, and I get it.
I suffer from depression. I definitely have been in your shoes but don’t give up. When a door closes a window opens. I really know how hard hiding it is though but sometimes its better if you tell and not keep it all in.