You may have noticed around here that the Weekly Prayer Request and several other things have gone missing in the last couple of months. The truth is that recently I have had such a lost of faith. I write the straight forward educationally sort of posts but I haven’t been putting a whole lot of myself in it. I have felt as though my soul has been cracked and shattered. I spent hours on end praying and getting no response and all I could think was that maybe God was finished with me. I had asked for too much or gone too far somewhere.
I know that God never leaves us and we are taught when we are going through the most that is when God is carrying us but I haven’t felt God is a while. Life has a way of doing that to us. I was in the bathroom this morning when I had a thought. I looked up and told God ” Alright, I will not make any sort of promises. I can’t even promise I will get on my knees again but I will try. I will work at repairing my relationship with you but you have to help me repair my soul.” So this article is the beginning of that. You all are the best readers ever and I know that my honesty is something you all appreciate.
Faith is hard and I struggle with it at the best of times. I had some time alone last month and it was during this time that I spent getting all the hurt and anger out. Where no one could see or hear me. After I was finished I felt empty and hollow. I thought I would feel better that somehow getting it all out would help me heal. So I prayed and I heard nothing from God. I took my hopes, dreams, faith, all of it and wrapped into a tight little box and hid it away within myself. My thought was if I didn’t open that box, didn’t hope or anything I couldn’t hurt. Instead I got lost, I haven’t felt like working or doing much of anything.
God recently showed me how wrong I was. It started with a simple text message in the middle of the night. Then silence for several days as God was waiting for me and I wasn’t listening. I felt the box crack and a fresh break in my heart and soul. Then I managed to tape it back together. So God did something more and in a matter of seconds I felt the box locked away within myself crack open and everything come flooding back. As I talked with God this morning for the first time in weeks I told him I refuse to have hope. If I have hope and nothing comes of that hope it will kill me. Honestly I don’t think I could come back from it.
I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.
![\\\\\\\"\\\\\\\"](\\\\\\\"https://d5nxst8fruw4z.cloudfront.net/atrk.gif?account=r2cEh1aAod000d\\\\\\\")
God never leaves you but I understand feeling that way at times. I will pray for you. Exodus 12:12 The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Praying that God wraps his arms around you and fills your heart with Faith.
Thank you. My head knows that God never leaves me but sometimes it is hard to explain to my heart.
I totally understand, I haven’t been to church since Good Friday, I’m finding harder and harder to get myself back into going to church or praying.
There are times that it does get harder an harder. Maybe those periods in our lives are the ones we need the most. Maybe somehow we learn the most from them.
I think we all go through periods where we give up on life, I know I have. I don’t know why or how it happens but I think we just get tired of not living and jump back in to life. I know for me I had to start putting myself first. I can’t be all things to all people. I have to take care of me. You just take care of yourself and hopefully you will find your way, with or without God.
I agree we do go through those periods and just get tired. Life has a way of beating us down. I am working on taking care of myself and like I said, small steps.
I can understand how easy it is to lose faith. I have had many trials and tribulations in my life that have made me feel like god wasn’t listening to me or cared about me anymore. I have slowly gotten my faith back up but my faith is still there.
It is a slow process and I am so glad that you were able to get your faith back to where it was.
I am thankful that I believe in a God that will always take me back no matter how far I drift or mess up. As far as I ever go from God I know and feel that he is always there. Life is certainly full of ups and downs and God is with us through it all.