As a single mother the only male influence my boys get is from my male relatives. That leaves me to fill in the gaps. While I would love to say that they get plenty of time with their father the sad truth is that they do not. The reasoning behind that is not my fault in any way. He chooses to not to see them expect when he feels like making a show of it. So how does a single mother go about ensuring that her sons become men. By winging of course! That and doing what her father did with her brothers. I thought I would share my two most important rules with you.
1. Boys will be boys
That is the first thing my mother said to me when something horrible happened. She was correct, of course. Boys will be boys and that means allowing them to climb trees, get dirty, and generally get outside. Knowing this and remembering it when they have torn up their new clothes helps keep me sane. Not to mention when they break stuff and then attempt to fix it without my knowledge. Although I will admit to being a party to something similar a time or two when growing up.
2. If you are old enough to act like a man you are old enough to accept the consequences like a man.
I got this one from my father. My older brother had done something at the time and my father said those exact words to him. He told him that being a man meant that you had to accept the consequences of your actions. That you took the time to learn from them and be better because of them. So when my boys do something they shouldn’t I always take the time to explain what they did wrong. I then explain what the consequences of their action will be. I explain to them that if they felt they were old enough to do it, they did wrong then they must accept the results.
These two very basic rules have helped me shape two boys. One of who is almost old enough to be out on his own. He is a fine young man who has manners and I know he will go far in life. The other is still too young to know where he is heading in life but I know that I will be just as proud of him as I am his brother.
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I was widowed when my son was 15 mos old, so I was mostly on my own to raise him. Of course I tried to keep him close to male members of my family. But we all lived in different places, so it was not really enough. There were so many times that I had absolutely no idea what to do or say or whether I was making a complete mess of things. My own upbringing was such that I wanted to do whatever was *opposite* that. So I just did the best I could with what I had to work with. The good news is that he is grown, educated, and has a great family. Sometimes he says that he “is not sure how to be a Dad.” I tell him that no one knows…you just have to wing it 🙂
I am so sorry about your loss. I know that time heals everything and I am certain that you raised an amazing man. You’re right though all you can do is your best and hope it is enough.