How to Love Your Most Unlovable Self

It is so easy to talk about love in the abstract. We do it all the time. We say that god so loved the world. But we are capable of regarding so much of the world with such disdain. We say that we love everybody. But what does that even mean? We do not morn all deaths equally. The vast majority of death-dealing disasters are filed under mere news of the day. But the death of a truly loved one can have us grieving for weeks.

We tend to define love as a way we regard others:

• Be kind
• Show patience
• Give respect

These are all outward facing behaviors. We talk about love for everyone except the one person for whom it has the greatest emotional resonance: ourselves. Acknowledging self-directed love seems to cause extreme discomfort. We can easily talk about loving people we have never met. But we become uneasy when the subject turns to loving ourselves. 

Perhaps the reason is that we know just how truly unlovable we can be at times. We have become experts at punishing ourselves, while having no idea how to forgive ourselves, especially when we are at our most unlovable. Here are some thoughts that might help you forgive the one person who just might need it the most:

The Government Forgives You

If there is one entity that knows about law and punishment, it is the U.S. government. There are laws about everything, and penalties for every infraction. There is a court, and a judge, and a sentence for everything you can do wrong in this country. But that is only half of the story. Unless you have committed a capital crime, there is forgiveness for everything you can do wrong as well.

Even if you hurt someone by driving under the influence, or due to distraction, there is a way for you to pay for your crime and get back on the road. You will need SR22 insurance in that circumstance. Acceptance Insurance describes SR22 as:

…a document proving the responsibility of the policyholder. If you meet certain conditions, you will be required to carry this proof with you whenever you drive until your SR22 status has been removed. 

One irresponsible act does not mean you are permanently irresponsible. If a soulless government can figure that out, so should a soulful person like yourself. 

You’re Only Human

I’m not sure what manner of beast you think you are. But I think I’m human. While there is a lot about humans I will never understand, this much is universally true: Humans make honest mistakes a poor decisions.

If you are shocked and appealed at the fact that you made a mistake or used poor judgement, you obviously thought you were something other than human, just like the rest of us. It is one thing to make the same mistake repeatedly. That might indicate a problem. But I have looked into your future. You will make more mistakes, some will be doozies. And you will use poor judgement yet again. You’re human. Get over it. Making mistakes is not the problem. Grieving too much over mistakes you make might be.

You Would Have Forgiven Someone Else

Had someone else done that thing instead of you, had they shown remorse and begged forgiveness, you would have forgiven them. At the end of the day, that is probably the best reason why you should learn to forgive yourself. 

You are going to buy a $700 Apple Watch when you should have saved the money. You are going to eat out when you should have cooked. You are going to call in sick when you should have gone to work. You are going to make hash of your budget, ruin a relationship, and damage someone emotionally without even realizing it. And when these things happen, you are going to have to seek forgiveness. Start with yourself, and work your way outward from there.