How many of you have seen the “family room” or rooms at the hospital? I know some emergency rooms have them as well as throughout the rest of the hospital. Let me tell you it is the one room in the entire hospital that I hate more than any other room. In fact Lani Lynn Vale put it best when she wrote about it.
I hated that room and never wanted to see it again. I now understood exactly what it was. A grieving room. A room that they put you into when they know that whoever you’re there to see has died—or is about to die. Lani Lynn Vale, Keep it Classy
That is what it is too. It is the room they put you in when there is no hope left. It is there for you to grieve in private. Not to mention they don’t want all the other visitors seeing you crying, screaming, or whatever else. That would be bad for business.
I spent a couple of weeks in a room just like that back in 2000 when my father passed away. At first I didn’t understand what the room was. I thought since there were a lot of us and the cardiac waiting room was small (like six or seven chairs only) that they gave us a room to accommodate us. It wasn’t until I heard another visitor explaining to someone that I understood.
I mean I knew my dad was dying. He had been for the past eight months. I guess whomever they were with asked why we were allowed a room. The lady responded by saying that whoever we were visiting is dying. The room allowed us to go through our grief, make phone calls, and go over what we wanted done with his body afterwards in private.
Can you imagine that? That realization that they have those rooms? I know they need them but let me tell you being in one was not fun. Nor did it make what we were going through any easier. It got us whispers, pity stares, and other small remarks. It made us more vulnerable and gave us more pain. My mother was alone when that room was opened for her. It was the middle of the night and I guess the moment they decided there was no longer anything they could do.
My father had come long enough to tell them to turn off the machines and don’t do anything else. When she called to tell me his doctor had to get on the phone and explain that my father had told him and his staff that. That he was perfectly clear in his wishes. He didn’t want my mother to have to make that decision. In fact, he had already filled out paperwork for me to make that decision for him if he couldn’t. He knew it would devastate her to have to do that.
All the way to the hospital I worried about how she was doing. In the Cardiac ICU, like the regular ones, you are only allowed in for so many hours each day and only so many people at a time. Whomever wasn’t back there with him after that day was in that blasted room.
It had no windows and an eerie silence about it. Like it had seen and heard far too much and was weighed down by it all. The ghost of the grief that was still clung to the air in that room.
Whenever I am in the hospital and see someone entering or coming out of one of those rooms I always try to give them a smile. It isn’t a bright smile but I have it and sometimes you just need someone to smile so you know things will be okay. That even though your world is ending there is something brighter on the other side.
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My youngest siter was in a near fatal car crash. I also hate that room. It is so hard to talk about the accident. She was in ICU for 3 months. That’s how bad it was. A 16-year-old girl and her best friend, hit head on by a drunk driver. I spent hours in that room. After a while, you find other places to go. Cafeterias, conference rooms, even your car.
I am so sorry. I agree, I found all sorts of places that seemed better but for some reason always seemed to end up back in that room.
I have spent hours in hospitals with my children for both small accidents and major problems. It is never easy
It is not.
I’ve been in that room.
I am so sorry.
I’ve been in that room also when my dad also passed away in 2000.
I am sorry for your loss, it is never easy.
thank you for sharing. i appreciate your thoughts very much
You are so welcome.
I’ve never had to go through sadness like that. . Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome.
I hate that room too and try not to think about it as it hurts my heart too much.
It does mine as well.
Last May my mother had a health crisis and I spent A LOT of time in one of those for a month. Day & Night. It was honestly horrible. I hate it too!
I am so sorry about your mother. That room is both a blessing and curse!
Yep, I have bad memories of that room myself. In fact, just the antiseptic smell of a hospital invokes “flight or fight” in me and makes me want to flee…
I spend so much time in them anymore that I hardly notice the smell. However, every time I walk pass one of these rooms I cringe.
That room reminds me of waiting in the hospital when my husband was sick and being told by the doctor he had passed away. I know how you feel!
I am so sorry for your loss. You would think they would do something to make these rooms less scary. Although I’m not sure there is anything they can do about them.
I have made way too many trips to one of these rooms. You can feel the heaviness as soon as someone mentions it.