I Hate That She Won’t Have That

While watching the television recently I saw, for most likely the millionth time, the Publix commercial that has the couple in the kitchen cooking together. If you haven’t seen it, it shows a young couple cooking together. At one point they change and you see the older couple they truly are and they are celebrating their wedding anniversary. It is a cute commercial but it always makes me want to cry. Why you ask?

Well, my father passed away eighteen years ago this year and my mother will never have that. I know that there is a chance that I will never have that as well but for some reason I just see my parents when I see that particular commercial. They were so loving with one another and so different than my grandparents. I could easily see them in the kitchen dancing away or my dad telling me that he had the best day cause he cornered my mother on the dining room table, right where I was sitting. Just to make me get grossed out. It”s those moments that I remember the most and wish my mother still had.

My father’s death hit her hard. She became a hermit who would barely leave the house. She wore his shirts for days and refused to eat. It took my younger brother and I months to get her back to some sort of normal. It has taken me years since to get her where she is today and I am so proud of her. He will never remarry or even go out with anyone else. In fact, she still wears her rings and considers herself married and that is okay. That is what her happy is and I couldn’t be happier for her. However, there are moments when I wish more for her. I wish she had a partner that would share her burden or someone (other than me or the kids) to hug her.

I know how much that can be missed when the love no longer felt. I can only imagine how that feels when the love doesn’t stop. How she feels knowing that she can’t be with him until this life is over. That sort of loneliness has to be difficult. However, I admire her each and everyday that she gets up and goes through life with the other half of her soul missing.