Less Negative Talk

Raise your hand if you’ve ever said any of the following to friends or family:

You’re stupid. You’re not good enough. You’re fat or lazy. You will never be enough. You’re worthless. You’re ugly.

I bet few, if any, raised their hands. We would never dream of saying those things to our friends and family. We wouldn’t even say them to strangers, yet we have no problem saying them to ourselves. It’s okay to admit you have said those things, even worst to yourself. I have done it to myself plenty of times and will in the future as well. 

The way we talk to ourselves can be the source of a lot of the negativity in our lives. It is something that we allow to eat us alive from the inside out. We all do stupid things, but telling ourselves over and over that we are stupid when we do them only harms us. For some, like me, that battle is always raging. I have a difficult time not reminding myself how stupid I am or how fat I am or how whatever. 

How to Stop the Negative Talk

The good news is that negative self-talk is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. Maybe not unlearned so much as changed with positive habits. However, it is one of the more difficult habits to get into the habit of. It is not a visible habit like eating well or exercising. We can’t see the success we are having, so we easily fall back into old patterns. 

BE AWARE

When you start to talk negatively to yourself, pay attention and be aware of what triggered that talk in the first place. What set it off? Also, stop the moment that a negative comment leaves your mouth. At least your internal mouth starts spewing that. Unless you are like me and talk out loud to yourself. While these thoughts and emotions can be triggered by actions, they are sometimes triggered by people. 

A good example is once my sister in-law said she wanted to talk to me after dinner because we were going to have a come to Jesus meeting. The entire time I kept thinking of all the things I probably did wrong to make her angry with me and how stupid was I. When in fact, the talk had nothing to do with me at all. 

ACCEPT THE THOUGHTS

Accept that you are having those thoughts. They are valid to a point and you have to acknowledge and accept them. Feeling good about yourself is difficult when your constantly engage in negative thoughts. Trust me I know. There are plenty of times when I get dressed to go somewhere only to talk myself out of it because I look like a cow.

Learning to accept that those thoughts are there and then turn them around. If I think I look fat I make a point of finding five things I like about how I look at the moment. Maybe my legs look amazing or the color dress I’m wearing just pops. 

ACKNOWLEDGE YOU AREN’T RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S THOUGHTS

While we can’t change how people feel or what we may do that makes them angry in the first place, We must learn to acknowledge that we aren’t responsible for their thoughts. Like with me thinking my sister-in-law was angry at me. While she very well may have been over something I said or did, it is not my responsibility to be different or change due to her thinking.

I spent hours going over all the things I may have done and how I could be better so she wouldn’t be angry at me anymore. This is a side effect of abuse and trauma. If I’m perfect, whomever won’t get angry. While I may have inadvertently done something to upset her, as adults we just have to talk it out. 

CHALLENGE YOURSELF

Every time I have a negative thought or begin to talk negatively to myself, I stop and challenge myself to look at things from a positive side. Did I really do something wrong? Am I truly a fat cow or am I trying as hard as I can to lose the weight? Is it my fault, or did I simply fail at whatever I was attempting at the time? Do I just need to adjust my outlook and maybe think a little? This is the perfect way to help build new, more positive habits when it comes to negative talk.