My aunt passed away last year and the family inherited my uncle, that is to say the care of him. What we didn’t realize was how much work it actually was. I already care for my mother and another uncle not to mention help another aunt out as much as I can. However caring for one who is in the late stages of dementia is not easy at all. We all tried our best to take care of him. the thing was he didn’t know who we were most of the time, was very violent, and would wander off if you turned your back for a second.
It was like having twenty 2 year olds all at one time. So we decided that he needed care that we simply could not provide for him. Thus began the search for a long term care facility that would take him. What we learned was there were few Care Options in our area because he had dementia. Patients with it actually require more care and he needed monitoring. It took us almost six months to find a place for him. We talked to countless facilities and when we finally found one we all thought was good we went on a tour.
For us deciding on the facility we did was because of a couple of things: (1) they placed a monitor on him so they could keep track of his moments. He has only managed to make it pass the door once which isn’t funny at all but if you knew my uncle you would find humor in this.(2) Costs! I hate that money was an issue but it was, we needed a place that the family could easily afford. (3) The amazing staff! The staff is so great!!! If there is a problem they call us right away and let us know. Anytime his medicines have to be changed, etc. They also send us a newsletter once a month so we know what is going on.
While making the decision wasn’t easy for us we know that we made the right one. My uncle is very happy and thriving more now than he ever did with us. Having people who are trained to give you the care you need makes all the difference in the world.
Have you had to have the Care Conversation with your family?
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A few years ago, my mother needed emergency surgery and we thought she would bounce back quickly as she always did, however, she was in longer than expected. Actually, it was of her doing, she refused to do the treatment needed to be discharged and had to go to a rehab center for a month. I did try to have the Care Conversation with my sister, which she became very upset. The doctor did contact me that my mom was showing some signs that alarmed the staff she should not live alone. She did go home and seems ok, but I do have concerns and my sister refuses to address them. 🙂
I know how hard that is for Betsy. I pray that sister addresses those concerns with you because there is nothing worst than having to worry about a loved one all the time.
I am glad that you found a place for your uncle. Being an only child and having just my mom still around, I know it is not easy having the long term care discussion. My mom is pretty independent, and when she had a total knee replacement a couple years ago, she had to go recuperate for a month or so in rehab where she drove them crazy. We’ve discussed the matter somewhat, but she seems to think she will do just fine until it’s her time to go-and doesn’t want to go anywhere. Right now, I am just leaving things as is…
She may be okay on her own Michele and I pray for you that she is. Making the decision to put him in a home wasn’t an easy one but in the end it was the only way for him to get the care he needed.