Ah, pumpkin spice season—otherwise known as fall’s love letter to basic living. You can almost smell the cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves in the air as soon as the first leaf even thinks about falling. It’s the time of year when Starbucks lines grow longer, Instagram feeds turn orange, and every food and drink on the planet suddenly has the word “pumpkin” slapped on it. Pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin candles—pumpkin toilet paper? (Okay, maybe not yet, but give it time.)

It’s official: we live in the pumpkin apocalypse. And I’m here to ask the question on everyone’s mind—do we love it, or are we secretly rolling our eyes at the insanity?

The Pumpkin Cult: A Love Story

First things first—there’s a cult, and it’s made up of millions of people (mainly women) who are passionately devoted to all things pumpkin spice. It’s like the moment the clock strikes September 1st, a switch flips, and these devoted followers run to the nearest coffee shop, Trader Joe’s, or candle aisle like their life depends on it.

They’ll happily announce it to the world, too. You know that one friend—the one who posts selfies with her PSL (pumpkin spice latte for the uninitiated) and captions it with something like, “Finally, my favorite season is here!” She’s probably already wearing a scarf and boots, even though it’s still 80 degrees outside. Bless her heart.

For the pumpkin-obsessed, this season is basically the Super Bowl of flavors. It’s like they’ve spent the whole year drinking regular coffee in anticipation of that magical first sip of artificially flavored autumn in a cup. And, hey, who am I to rain on their pumpkin parade?

The Pumpkin Haters: A Tragic Tale

But there’s another group, too—the ones who glare at anything pumpkin-related like it personally offended them. They’ll tell you pumpkin spice is overrated, that it doesn’t even taste like real pumpkin, and that this craze is a conspiracy orchestrated by Big Pumpkin to take over the world.

These are the same folks who will smugly declare, “I only drink black coffee,” as if they’ve somehow transcended the need for flavor. They see pumpkin spice as a seasonal annoyance that needs to be avoided at all costs. I mean, one day it’s lattes, and the next day there’ll be pumpkin-flavored toothpaste (again, probably coming soon).

But even they can’t deny the allure of that cozy fall feeling—the crackling fireplaces, the crisp air, the deep orange sunsets. It’s just that for them, it shouldn’t involve drowning everything in pumpkin.

Pumpkin Spice: The Impostor Flavor

Here’s the thing about pumpkin spice: it’s not actually pumpkin. I know, shocking, right? There’s no pumpkin in pumpkin spice—it’s just a mix of spices (like cinnamon, cloves, and ginger) that makes your taste buds think they’re enjoying a fall festival in a cup.

In fact, real pumpkin tastes… well, kinda bland. It’s basically the tofu of vegetables—it needs all the spice and sugar to make it interesting. That’s where the pumpkin spice marketing geniuses come in. They knew that selling actual pumpkin flavor wasn’t going to make them a trillion dollars, so they created a blend that makes people think they love pumpkin. Boom—instant seasonal sensation.

Pumpkin Spice Overload: When It Goes Too Far

Now, I’m all for a nice seasonal treat, but there comes a point when the pumpkin spice craze just goes too far. I mean, there are limits to how much pumpkin one person can handle, right?

Or maybe not. Because I’ve seen things. Terrible things.

We’ve got pumpkin spice Cheerios, pumpkin spice Oreos, pumpkin spice protein bars—people are sprinkling it on everything like it’s fairy dust. There’s even pumpkin spice dog treats, because your dog also apparently needs to celebrate fall. Really? I’m pretty sure my dog would be just as happy chewing on a stick.

But the wildest thing I’ve seen? Pumpkin spice SPAM. Yes, you read that correctly. This monstrosity actually exists. Apparently, someone in 2019 thought, “You know what this shelf-stable meat needs? Some cinnamon and nutmeg.” I mean, I get it, people are experimenting with fusion cuisine, but some things just shouldn’t exist.

The madness doesn’t stop there. You can get pumpkin spice hummus, pumpkin spice deodorant, and if you’re really feeling festive, pumpkin spice face masks. (Because nothing says “glowing skin” like rubbing pureed squash and spices on your face, right?)

Team Pumpkin Spice: Why We Keep Coming Back

Now, despite the pumpkin spice circus, there’s no denying that people flock to it for a reason. It’s comforting. There’s something about fall that makes us want to curl up in a fuzzy blanket, sip something warm, and feel like all is right in the world, even if it’s just for a moment. Pumpkin spice does that for people.

It’s not just a flavor—it’s an experience. For a lot of folks, that first sip of a pumpkin spice latte signals the start of something magical. It’s the beginning of bonfire nights, apple picking, sweater weather, and finally having an excuse to eat pie at any time of day.

Plus, it’s got marketing on its side. Pumpkin spice is limited edition. It’s like the McRib of the coffee world—here for a good time, not a long time. So naturally, people go a little wild when it’s in season.

Team Leave It: The Resistance

On the other hand, there are the rebels—the folks who would rather stick to their peppermint mochas or plain ol’ coffee. They argue that the pumpkin spice craze is nothing more than a cleverly orchestrated marketing campaign, and they refuse to drink the Kool-Aid, er, latte.

For them, pumpkin spice is like that one song on the radio that everyone loves except you. It plays everywhere, people hum along, and you’re just sitting there thinking, “Really? This is what we’re all freaking out about?”

They’re also the ones who’ll roll their eyes when they see yet another pumpkin spice-themed product on the shelf. Pumpkin spice toothpaste? Nope. Pumpkin spice air fresheners? Hard pass. Pumpkin spice everything? Please, just make it stop.

The Verdict: Love It or Leave It?

So, where do you fall on the pumpkin spice spectrum? Are you all in, cozying up with your PSL and pumpkin muffins like it’s your job? Or are you the lone wolf who side-eyes the whole thing while sipping your black coffee, unbothered and unimpressed?

Honestly, whether you love it or hate it, there’s no denying that pumpkin spice has become a cultural phenomenon. It’s the flavor equivalent of fall itself, and even if it’s gone a little overboard (okay, way overboard), there’s a certain charm to it.

Personally, I think I’ll enjoy my one obligatory pumpkin spice latte of the season, laugh at the ridiculousness of pumpkin-flavored everything, and then patiently wait for the peppermint mocha to make its comeback. Until then, long live the pumpkin spice warriors—may your lattes be frothy, your scarves be cozy, and your Instagram feeds be perfectly autumnal.

Happy fall, y’all!