Recently my estranged husband told me sorry. There of course was more said but the fact that he said sorry for anything is a miracle. The problem is that saying sorry just isn’t enough. Sorry doesn’t begin to cover the hurt, the pain, the embarrassment, the shame, and a host of other emotions I have gone through over the last year. So where does that leave me? An impasse I suppose.
There are many times when sorry just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes you can say sorry a million times but it doesn’t change anything. So what is there to do? To say? I have always been under the belief that actions speak louder than words so maybe that is all that is left to do. I didn’t say it’s okay and forget about it. I was honest enough to say I need more and I was proud of myself for saying it. We are taught from the time we are young to say “I am sorry” and then things are better however the truth is that is not always the case.
There are times when sorry simply will not make you feel better. I am glad that he said it but there is a part of me ( and this is very un-Christian and small of me) that simply refuses to allow him to feel better about it all because he said he was sorry.
I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.
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Good for you!! I am glad you stood up for yourself. You are 100% correct that there are times when sorry just isn’t enough. I am a firm believer also in actions speak louder then words. I have compassion but when you have made the same mistake more then once, sorry just doesn’t cut it in my book. It’s not un-Christian of you to feel that way. It’s called human nature. He took the easy road and left you to deal with the pieces. It is okay to feel that way. Maybe sorry will mean something at a later point.
I have always been a turn the other cheek person and sorry was enough but i just don’t have any more cheeks to turn. He did take the easy road and if the shoe had been on the other foot I don’t think he would even speak to me.
I’m glad you stood up for yourself and said you needed more. I agree, actions speak louder than words and a simple, “I’m sorry” doesn’t often work for me either. I need to see something that shows true remorse and sincerity. I’m sorry for what you are dealing with and I agree 100% with the previous poster.
Thank you Natalie. I don’t stand up for myself often enough but I am glad that I did.
I agree with you 100% just because you say your sorry doesn’t count for much when your actions scream something else, you deserve so much better!
Like I said it was nice to hear since he never says it but it doesn’t change anything.
I completely know how you feel on the other hand if he really wants to change and be different then you have to decide if you really want to accept his apology and go from there. The true test will be if he really changes and does things differently. It does have to start somewhere and maybe the first step is an apology. If you love him and don’t want to give up then it seems worth it to try. Of course I don’t know all the specifics and could be over simplifying it. Just my two cents.
You aren’t over simplifying it. If he wants our family to be whole then he has to change. I do love him and that is something I can’t change no matter how much I try to stop. However I will simple live with my love for him and do it alone if he doesn’t change anything. I have spent too many years bending over backwards and getting very little in return.
Being Christian does ask to forgive, but it does not make you unholy for wanting what you need and to not be used as a doormat or revolving door. So proud of you for sticking up for what you need! God does not belittle you by asking you to bend to the ground like a nothing in order to always give. He asks to treat others LIKE/AS you would want to be treated. You are not beneath anyone Rita. You are right in putting yourself high enough to be counted…to be enough…to not be belittled and embarrassed and hurt. God does not want that. I have to believe that He believes in you more than your “husband” and sometimes even yourself. You are not being unChristian for being one that CAN forgive but then move on. The unChristian one is the one who selfishly degrades others and puts themselves on such a high shelf they think they merely HAVE YOU AT HELLO and you will never go anywhere…keep you in their back pocket when they wish to come back to use. I’m sorry if this is blunt. you are WAY too good of a person to be put through this yet again. People will never change if they never have to. Sorry…yes, even if heartfelt is nice to hear, but without a lifetime of action, it is only a word. I SO know how you feel. I forgave and said 3 strikes you are OUT. and He knows this. What I told my husband is this…if a person makes you feel so alone (and like nothing) that you would feel LESS lonely by actually BEING alone, then you know what is best. Being SINGLE is not always lonely. Being/feeling ALONE within a relationship is much worse because you are simply stuck without motion at all. Only YOU can know if you believe this is sincere and he will not run off again.
It is not blunt Eileen, you know how much I appreciate your honesty and you are right. I can forgive but not right now. Saying sorry doesn’t excuse his actions and it doesn’t change my pain. We have been here too many times and I honestly don’t know if I can do it anymore. I have come to terms with being single and doing it all alone. I have come to terms with me and he has to comes to terms with the consequences of his actions whether he wants to or not.
I think it takes a strong person to say I understand you’re sorry, but it isn’t enough this time. You have to be willing to let yourself be worth it. I am very proud of you for saying that and for standing up for yourself. You deserve better than he has given you.
Thank you Breia! You know how much I value your opinion and how much I love you! You have gotten me through some of the worst times this past year.
Whether you forgive him or not is up to you. It still doesn’t excuse his actions. Only time will tell if he is sorry enough to change his behavior. If it were me, I wouldn’t give him the chance to disappoint me again.
So far I haven’t given him that chance. I honestly don’t know if he really wants that chance so I am moving forward.
I sometimes feel the same way when sorry just is not good enough, as I always believed too that actions speck louder then words, if the apology is sincere then I will accept it and be okay, but if is just sounds like they are saying sorry just because then it doesn’t mean much to me. I like for them to show me and not just say it. Sometimes words aren’t enough, and I totally understand.