Spare the rod spoil the child. That is the biblical passage that my parents parented by and many others do as well. That doesn’t mean my parents where bad parents. We were expected to behave ourselves and there were consequences when we didn’t. I am a different parent. I am not above spanking and I know saying that is opening myself up to all sorts of ridicule and judgement. That said I don’t spank. I don’t have to because I have found other ways of parenting.
I don’t really use time outs for the older kids and they know that fighting over a toy results in the the toy being taken away. There have been moments when a argument over a toy resulted in it being thrown out the car window. I know all of that sounds like I have anger issues and no patience. I do have lots of patience. I simply believe that I have set the rules and they are to be followed.
My children are happy and healthy. They are polite and say please, thank you , yes ma’am, and no ma’am. They do those things because they are expected of them and they know it. For the twins because they are so young we work on it little by little. When we hand them a toy or something we tell them “You say thank you.” Then we of course say “you’re welcome”
No they don’t say any of that yet but we are heading in the right direction. We sit down to the table and have a meal without anyone throwing anything. If one of the twins throws food they are moved into the kitchen area so they know they have done something they should not. It is like telling them to get up from the table.
That is not to say they are perfect by any means and I don’t want to be the strictest parent in the world but I want to know that my children aren’t the horrible kids either.
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My husband like to use the term spare the rod spoil the child a lot. I am with you in that I think there are other ways to parent/discipline that doesn’t have to include spanking.
I was spanked when I was growing up, we even got the belt, it was that way when we were growing up, I punished my girls by sending them to their rooms when things got out of hand but usually the look on my face when I got to the boiling points was enough.
I prefer to use other methods if I have worked without having to get physically hurt my children.
First of all- he is cute as can be. Thanks for being open with your parenting choices!
I got very bad spankings, sometimes beatings as a child that scarred me more than just physically. I guess that is why I never once laid a hand on my son when he was growing up and I never needed to. I was blessed with a very well-behaved son. Not that he was perfect, he wasn’t, he had his share of time outs. It was a punishment that he he did his best to avoid. I guess you could say that the time out chair was my “rod”.
I think your parenting style sounds a lot like mine. My kids know I mean business. No means no, it doesn’t mean whine until you get your way. I almost laughed out loud about the toy out the car window. I have been there. I have actually thrown toys in the trash. My kids aren’t perfect either but they do have manners and show others respect. I think that’s one of our most important roles as parents, to raise responsible members of our community.
In my humble opinion, spanking your kids on a routine basis is just lazy parenting. Children who are given clear boundaries and consistent consequences learn the house rules and know how to behave. Parents who resort to spanking probably do so because their children are out of control and they don’t know what else to do. That probably sounds pretty judgmental but that’s how I see it. Put in the time and you won’t need to spank.
I think you’re using the right discipline-it’s better not to spank/hit them, because that usually results in tears, and they still probably haven’t learned not to do the wrong thing.
I prefer to use other methods also. I think everyone has their own way with discipline and some being better effective than others. Either way I think its up to the parents.
I think I always wonder if I am doing the right thing and hope that I am leading them in the right direction.