Thanksgiving Etiquette

I admit that it has been a few years since I have been to anyone’s home for Thanksgiving. I am the one does the hosting most of the time now. A few years ago my niece and her friends came. One of the girls made me wonder just where she was taught basic manners. While proper etiquette is something we were taught to use religiously. However, most everyone understands basic manners. How many of you go to someone’s house (as a friend of a friend) and go in their refrigerator? I mean are young people not taught this is bad manners anymore? This chick just opened mine up the moment she walked into my house and helped herself. I thought I would share proper Thanksgiving etiquette with y’all just in case.

Do I really need good manners and proper etiquette at a family Thanksgiving? Yes and No.

There is a fine line that we walk here. On the one hand we want to make everyone feel welcome. On the other, it is still someone else’s home. I think it depends on whose home you go to. For example, at my grandmother’s home I wouldn’t hesitate to go into her fridge. I spent summers there and it was like a second home. The same with my younger brother.

However, at my older brother’s home I would not. I would ask for something to drink. Why, you ask? Because we aren’t as close as my younger brother and I. I don’t spend a lot of time at my older brother’s home. I am with my younger brother all the time.

The other reason for just basic good manners at a family Thanksgiving is families gossip more than southern women after church on Sunday. Great aunt Gertrude is going to be whispering to whomever will listen to just look at your heathen children. We can’t have that at all. Anyway, on to the list.

Bring a Gift

It is customary to bring a gift to your host. It doesn’t have to be anything large and your host will remember your kindness. It can be something as simple as flowers. You can always bring something small just as these napkins. Then again some wine or a dessert could be the way to go. It all depends on your host. If you know them well, adapt your gift to their tastes. If you are just meeting them? Keep it simple with flowers or wine.

SHOP THOUGHTFUL GIFTS FOR HOSTS

Arrive on Time

Show up on time, in fact be slightly early. Arriving 10-15 minutes before the time on the invitation is acceptable. Earlier than that is only acceptable if you are expected help or if you know the host well. For example, I would arrive an hour early at my brother’s house or at my parents. Be sure that you have directions and parking information before you leave the house. Watch traffic for delays prior to leaving as well. In the event you are going to be late, give the host a call and let them know ASAP. Calling is not only proper manners but it will not leave your host guessing if they need to wait for you or not.

Dress Appropriately 

This really just depends on who is coming and where you are going. For example, our family typically doesn’t dress up. We wear elegant casual which is a pair of jeans paired with a nice sweater or top and simple accessories. Don’t be afraid to ask the host about the dress code if you are unsure. Of course, you can always go with a nice dress that will work for casual or a little more sophisticated. If you are going somewhere for the first time, like you new in-laws then a simple dress and tights or maybe a blazer/cardigan combination. Being overdressed is always better than not dressed up at all.

Mind Your Table Manners

Don’t forget your table manners! It’s easy to forget them when you are with your family and friends. However, we should never make anyone else feel uncomfortable. As my grandmother would say, “Bad table manners are rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.”

A few key things to remember when it comes to table manners:

• Sit and eat when your host/hostess sits and eats.
• Always pass the pair together when someone asks for salt or pepper
• Cutlery is held with the index finger on top, not like a pencil or pen
• Napkins are refolded lengthwise on the lap
• Never chew with your mouth open, you’re not a cow
• Don’t speak while eating and pace your eating with others
• Elbows off the table. In the Untied States the left hand is placed in your lap when not in use. In other parts of the world the left wrist is placed on the table in sight at all time.

The reason behind the left wrist on the table is in the XVII Century, Louis XIV discovered there was a conspiracy to poison him with arsenic. He thought one of his guests at the table would try to kill him so he ordered that everyone keep their hands visible and placed on the table throughout every meal. People wanted to imitate the aristocracy at that time so the rest of the country followed suit. If you’d like more tips on dining etiquette, you can check out a few of the books below.

Dinner Conversations

This should seem like the easiest thing to remember but it isn’t always. So here are a few points to remember when it comes to dinner conversation:

• Talk about pleasant topics.
• Talk about how thankful and grateful you are for your family and friends.
• Don’t talk about religion, health, or politics. I don’t advise it on the holidays even with families. these topics lead to arguments which led to other rather unpleasant things.

via GIPHY

I admit we had a few moments like the one above. It was usually my grandmother saying that and she could never understand why anyone needed to argue in the front yard. I mean she had like seventy acres and everyone went to the front yard. On a side note, that movie is named Home for the Holidays and if you need something funny for Thanksgiving to watch. I highly recommend it.

Silence Cell Phones

Thanksgiving (and Christmas) is a time for face to face conversations without distractions. Unless you are a doctor, firefighter, nurse, police officer, or any other profession that depends on you having your phone on, turn it. I’m talking just business people as well. The world will not stop if you can’t be reached. Turn it off, put it on silent, leave it in the car, whatever. Do this before you get to your destination.

Never, check your phone at the table or answer it while you are at the table. It is rude! I see people in restaurants do this all the time. Excuse yourself, get up and walk away from the table to have your conversation if you have to answer it. I know phones are important but we spend so much time on them that we can be disrespectful to those around us without realizing it.

I have a box that is by the front door at my house for holidays and other events. Everyone’s phone goes into the box when they walk in the door. I started doing that when my older nieces, nephews, and children were texting one another while sitting next to each other. I thought enough was enough. I mean they were so connected to their phones, they couldn’t turn and look at the other one to have a conversation.

Offer to Help Clean Up

Once everyone has gotten up and are away from the table offer to help clean up. You want to wait until everyone is up because you don’t want to rush anyone who may still be eating. when offering to help, approach the host and offer. If they say no, don’t press it. Know that you offered and that was enough.

Say Thank You

When the evening (or afternoon) is over be sure to give the host/hostess a genuine “Thank you” for their hospitality. I normally, when I’m not the host, make sure I speak with each person at the gathering as we are ending things. If it’s family and friends I give them a hug and tell it was great seeing them or whatever. If it’s people I’m met for the first time I shake their hand and tell them it was lovely to have met them. I always send a thank you card to the host within 3-5 days after the meal .

I hope you enjoyed this little guide on Thanksgiving etiquette! I do my best to be as proper as I can in every aspect of my life. It is how I was raised. So, with my family and friends they expect me to let them know how much I appreciated the meal and their company. I try to be sure I am a gracious and well mannered guest because it helps others think highly of you. Although I will admit I have had people tell me they thought I was a snob because of my manners when they first met me.