By: Alan Cleaver
The journey of losing my weight has been a hard one. I have spent so many years overweight that I allowed myself to just become comfortable with that. I have been called every name there is from pig, to fat cow to much worse. I spent my high school years overweight and as the “fat friend.” The fat friend doesn’t really get asked out and unlike most girls I was a woman (almost 30) before a certain something was “lost” if you know what I mean.
The funny thing is that I had even begun to think about myself as the fat friend. I watched a movie the other night about a fat friend who lost all the weight years later. She wanted her friends to celebrate with her only to finally see them for what they are. It was listed as a comedy but I didn’t find anything funny about. the journey I have been on this year had been a hard one but one that I feel I finally coming out of the other side on.
I like who I am and the body I have at the moment. I know there is more work to do and I am taking each day as it comes. I don’t struggle to control my eating habits as I once did and that has been a huge help. There was a time when I would order three hamburgers at a restaurant for myself because I felt sad or upset. Now I eat a veggie plate and allow myself to just feel the emotions. They are what they are and once I work through them they are finished. If I am sad I am just sad and in a few hours or days I will feel better.
Food use to be the one thing I thought I controlled in my life. What I am discovering is that it controlled me and it doesn’t let go of that control easily.
I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.
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I am 48 years old & about 100 pounds overweight. I have struggled with weight issues since the birth of my 4 children, who are now grown & on their own. I know what it feels like to be “fat”. It makes you feel ugly, unwanted, unvaluable, etc & the list just goes on & on. It doesn’t occupy most of my thinking as it used to. I too have become moderately comfortable with living as I am. However, I KNOW that if I lost weight I would feel so much better about myself. As another human being I just want to tell you that your beauty comes from the inside. Who you are, what you do, your character. We need to remember that on our down days. (me as much as anyone else!) I wish you continued success on your weight loss journey, but more importantly, I wish for you peace………..and that you will always know you are good, just the way you are. We’re all different. It takes all shapes, sizes, personalities & dispositions to make up the human race. We count. We matter. We are valuable. <3
I have never been a skinny girl so I somewhat know what you are going through. I think you have been on such a journey learning about yourself in this weight loss process. One thing to never forget is how beautiful you are to God, you are his creation who he loves very much.
I know what you mean about the Journey to lose weight. I have always been at least 50 lbs. heavier than I should. I have a disability and I can only walk for about 10 minutes a day for exercise. I do eat healthy, but it is hard to lose weight when I am older. I commend you on your weight loss journey!
Wow, I commend you on being so honest about your journey! I don’t have a similar tale to share (though I do have some things in common with you), but I know that any journey in life where you have to dig deep through all the history and emotions and then work each day on a goal does get really overwhelming. I have to do that with my health, and it’s been sort of a journey of accepting loss as well. I completely agree with you about how you have to “feel the emotions.” I’ve been using mindfulness meditation, and within that process there is a very similar approach about allowing our emotions to come, feel them for their duration, and then let them ebb away. It’s definitely not an easy thing to do, though it is a bit easier once you realize that you don’t have to always give in (or react) to whichever emotion you might be feeling at any given time. But knowing this fact and actually acting upon it (or not acting upon it, I guess) is harder because sometimes our conscious mind forgets that we don’t have to actually follow what our emotions are driving us to do. I also completely agree with you about the control aspect. It seems like humans have this need to control (or at least, we want to once we get a taste of it), and so dealing with situations that we can’t control makes us seek out other ways to gain control. But like you said, sometimes what we do to trick ourselves into thinking we have control eventually turns into something that controls us.
People are so cruel. You just have to make yourself happy and drown out those hateful people. There will always be people to criticize wether you’re thin, heavier, your hair, nose, face, color…you get my point. Thats why its important that you love yourself.
I think the biggest part of your journey has been finding yourself. You have become more confident in yourself, it shows in your writing. Life is just one big journey to begin with. I think yours has been about more about liking you for who you are and what you have to give. I really like how strong and assure of yourself you have become.
I am worried about starting my own weight loss journey soon. I am pregnant with our second currently so I can’t start until after but I know it will be difficult. I never grew up overweight. I just gained weight in my 1st pregnancy and never lost any of it and know am gaining weight in my second.