The Long Winding Road

Life is full of curves and lately it seems that mine has been nothing but curves. I have been despondent at best most days. I really haven’t had the drive to do much of anything and have thought that simply shutting everything down was for the best. I worked hard to build things up but have been letting everything fall by the wayside lately. I would love to be able to say this or that was the problem but the truth is I have no idea what triggered it.

So I set out to figure out what was wrong with me. I have some symptoms of depression but wasn’t sure that was the problem. I had a bout of depression a few years ago and this was much worse. My brother took the twins for a little while and the older kids headed to their mom’s. My sister even took in my mother and uncle so that I could work through everything. However my brothers both called everyday. I think they were worried about what I would do. Truthfully…… I slept for the first three days. I didn’t get out of the bed to do anything but go to the bathroom. Then I on the fourth day I thought ” This is crazy!” So I made an appointment at the doctor’s office. 

What I discovered is that I have been suffering Major or Clinical Depression which was different from the mild case I had a couple of years ago. This was awful and I have had to go on medication as well as some therapy to deal with this. I have to say that this was so new for me and trying to figure out what triggered it has been very difficult. So where does that leave me? Heading down a long and winding road back to mental health but more than that is the urge to define myself more than ever.

I’m not shutting things down or even slowing down anytime soon. I have begun making the changes that I want and even connecting more with friends. If you and I are friends on social media and I have been more than distant I apologize! I honestly didn’t do any of it on purpose I just haven’t had the urge to talk with anyone or do anything.