Rita Reviews

living my best possible southern life

The Realities of Divorce

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The Realities of Divorce

When you get married you never really think that it could all end in divorce. You simply figure that you are going to be together forever. The truth is divorce happens for so many different reasons. I wish I had a straight and simple answer for whenever someone asks me why my marriage failed. So many little things seemed to have gone wrong which lead to so man bigger things that in the end I don’t know what happened. I could point fingers until the end of time but it would do little good. The realities of divorce aren’t pretty and can leave you even more biter than before.

Depression

This was a big one for me and left a permanent imprint on my soul. It took me a good year and half to pull myself out of my depression and the truth is I had a lot of help to manage that. I still struggle with it but not as much as I once did.

Children

If you have children then you have to deal with their emotions and feelings. There was a time when I would have told you (and most likely did) that my ex was a wonderful father. That is still true when he decides to show up. I am the one who has to deal with their faces when they realize that he isn’t coming. It makes me want to punch him the face sometimes but I work hard not to say anything negative abut him in front of them.

Money and Credit

Oh I have a whole series dedicated to this. Divorce can reek havoc on your credit for so many different reasons. If you have an ex like mine who decided to not pay things that you thought were being paid then you have a whole other set of issues. Add in that he cleaned out my bank account and again I want to punch him.

Faith

For me my faith was a difficult issue. I’m Catholic and as most of you know we don’t do divorce. I was able to get the church to recognize my divorce thanks in part to my wonderful priest who not only knew a lot of what was going on but had tried to counsel us a few times. However I still feel the sting of it from some older members at church.

Divorce left me un-trusting of men and that is by far the worst of it for me. How am I to teach my children how to be good spousal partners when I couldn’t make it work? How am to teach my daughters that men won’t let you down when the one man that should never let them down does so regularly? In the end all I can do is pick of the pieces and do the best that I can which is what I have been doing. I can show my children that I held me head high and loved them enough for both parents.

 

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  2. I was 12/13 when my parents divorced. Boy, you are not kidding about how hard it is. In their case, my Dad had been having an affair, so add that to the mix…& you can imagine it was not a friendly split. He was a heavy drinker, undependable with child support (in the late 70s, before courts really tried to help with that) & seemed to call or show up drunk a lot. The after effects from all of that just go on & on…I’m 51 now & still don’t have much of a relationship with my dad. Some choices just can’t be ‘fixed.’ When he decided to walk away, he effectively created a gap between him & his kids that can’t be bridged.

    • Your right and his choices will cost him in the end. I never force them to see him if he shows and they don’t want to. I feel that they should have the same choice he does. He gets so angry about it but I just don’t care. Let him be disappointed. They are every single time he says he’s coming and then don’t.

  3. Divorce is difficult, on spouses sure , but on kids it is even worse. It is so hard never to say anything negative, and truly, kids overhear much more than you think. Kids feel like they are betrayed by one parent or might feel it was thei fault and take blame.
    Your faith is and will be an important part of this.

    • This is true. My children are not happy with the way things are especially the older ones since I started out as their stepmother and then adopted them not long ago.

  4. My parents divorced when I was 18 – my father was a narcissistic, cheating SOB who never cared about me or my sister. My Mom did struggle financially for awhile because he hadn’t allowed her to work for 25 years but she ended up on her feet. Thanks for sharing your struggles. Your kids will grow up and realize the truth and know you did the right things for the right reasons.

    • I’m so thrilled for your mom as I am certain that was not easy. You’re welcome and I promise that I will shae more because if only one person is helped because of what I am going through then it was worth all the pain.

  5. Going through this right now (not personally but with a very, very close family member). My heart breaks for her children, but the sad reality is they are much better off apart.