Living a bicultural life means that there are things that one of you will never understand and all you can do is accept them. While there are other things that you accept without question. Sounds crazy huh? Well with hubby being Mexican I learned right away that while we were alike in a lot of ways we where very different as well.
For example I grew up the all American girl. You know what I mean, we are taught to not depend on anyone, to fend for ourselves, put our careers first, and that being like June Clever was something of the past. Hubby grew up being taught that as a man his job is to provide and care for his family without question. I have learned that within the Mexican culture traditional roles are still very much taught. There was a time when I would have shunned this idea. I mean really?
However I have found that with hubby in the traditional “head of the family” role our lives are all the better for it. While I am more of a 21st century June Cleaver the role suits me just fine. I truly love cooking 95% of the meals and doing the shopping, even the laundry. I love knowing that I don’t have to worry about money and things because my wonderful husband is working hard to provide for us. Yes I do work from home as well but I know I could stop right now if I wanted and he wouldn’t care. He would go right working just as hard.
So even if some of my high school friends think I am a sell out,all I can say is don’t knock til tried it! I never have to worry about being provided for or taken care. However if he ever raised a hand to me he would see just how American this woman can be!
I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.
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Thanks for sharing. This is the way our world is and how we become stronger, by understanding those not “like” us. My sis n law is Thai. Interesting challenges. Communication is so impt. My niece is easily bilingual. Wish my kids were. Love that they have greater world view because of it! Blessings!
I love cultural blending–we can learn so much from each other. And in this world, there are many ways for families to thrive. I guess I am old fashioned to say that I think things work well when someone is home with the children and taking care of the house. The difference is that I don’t think that is the *only* way it can work, and I want families to have all the choices open.
im hispanic and hubby is american so i completely understand. I think its great though because we’ve taught eachother over the years and we experience new things together.
Great post! I think it is not just cultural. It is also the way you were raised. My father was Hispanic and my mother was the all American Catholic girl. So the both had set ideas about how to raise kids. The one thing my father tried to teach each of us girls was that we didn’t need a man to take care of us. He was very set in making sure each of girls knew how to do things that were traditional men jobs. All of us learned how to change a tire, change the oil in our car, mow the grass, and many other things. I am lucky that I have a husband who works hard to support us. I do like knowing that I could do anything on my own. But I appreciate my husband even more for doing those things so I can do the cooking and cleaning and not have to worry about the other things. It’s all about team work.
I think people focus too much on whether it’s right or wrong to have traditional roles. You do what works for you and sometimes it can shift, depending on the season of life you’re in. I’m happy to hear that you are embracing what works for you and your family.
I was married to a Mexican man for 15 years. I WISH he was the provider for the family. Unfortunately, that task ended up with me for 90% of the marriage. That and other things caused the relationship to end. I’m not sure I could be in such a traditional relationship, though. Maybe something more in the middle.
OMG I am right there with you on this one! my Hubs is Filipino and boy were we raised differently, but we have our way of blending. He expects me to want expensive things and tries to talk me into that new coach purse, but I am happier with a hike and lunch in the Mountains and a few extra dollars in the savings. Like you said my friends too think I am a sell out but I know I am happy and so are my children and that is ALL that matters to me!
Hubby and I are both white American, but still were raised different. We are 8 years apart in age and I think that has something to do with it. But other things are similar. I am always interested in how others were raised. I work in Head Start and many (most) of the families we work with are Mexican. They are raising their children different then I am, but I respect those differences and even consider adding some of their ideas into my parenting style.
I really liked you sharing! I agree with you that you can have your independence and have a husband who is there for you and helps take care of you. There is so much peace in knowing that.
Thanks for sharing. Great post. Interesting to read. We live up North and don’t always get exposed to other cultures which I think is great for everyone’s growth.
i say to each her own. this is country is a melting pot and there is so much diversity so let people be who they want to be and do what they want to do.
I grew up knowing too widely different cultures. So it was always sort of a pick of what I thought was right along with parental example that I grew up believing in. Granted, over time I came to know many more cultural idiosyncrasies. It’s true that the Us is now just a conglomeration of different cultured specimens all living with each other, but there are so many factors that can change one’s belief system and consequenltly how one should live and then on top of that, there’s how one actually lives based on those personal beliefs. Like you said, most who are critical haven’t tried it, so why knock it? I think the most important thing to understand overall is where someone is coming from and why that person chooses to live a certain way. If you can understand this (you don’t have to necessarily agree with it either), I think it’s much easier to just live and let live.
I grew up with the idea that the man should work and woman stay at home. Interesting enough I am the one who works full time and my husband stays at home with the kids. He is so much better at housecleaning than I am as I am a complete slob but I do the cooking since I am better at that. It is all about balance.
I feel like you can never be a “sell out” if you are doing what you love. By definition selling out is compromising what your ideals are – what you really believe in – who you are. If others think you are selling out what they really mean is that you are not living life the way they believe it should be lived – going along with what others think is right rather then what is right for you is in essence selling out. Society already tries to dictate to us how to dress act and groom ourselves (so glad I don’t have a teen to instill this value so she is not wearing low cut shirts and high skirts and super high heels that do lasting damage to the entire body – and yes i consider myself a girly girl lol – just because everyone else is) by the same token we can’t let society – at large or the society of our friends tell us who we are supposed to be and how we are to live. Never selll out your own power of choice or self autonomy – for that – that is selling out.
Its never wrong to live the life you love, to serve as you feel fit, with Faith and strength.
Look at Tybow the only sports guy I know – only because he risks ridicule to be who he really is – to not sell out his faith.
this is true and now the cultral is getting differnt and mix family
My hubby is Mexican though you would never know it. My son is so super proud of his heritage! We are glad and try to help him learn and celebrate it!
Our bicultural family is canadian and filipino. We celebrate and embrace both cultures! As well as the family I grew up in has african american and filipino.
What a great post! There is definitely value in the traditional roles as well as the more contemporary roles of men and women. I think it’s about figuring out what works for each couple, and no two couples are alike. Sounds like you and your hubby have figured out what works for you!
My husband is Guatemalan, so I totally understand where you are coming from. While I work FT outside of the home for 9 months out of the year, I think he is more happy when I am home the other 3. I plan on going to live in Guatemala one day and I know I won’t have to work, or even be expected to work when I am there. We adapt pretty well to each other’s cultural differences however and are raising our 11 year old to enjoy the best of both cultures-I mean, why not tamales AND turkey or ham for Christmas? lol. Great post!
Although I do not have the same experience as you do, I do understand somewhat cultural differences. I also believe if we can all not so strongly believe that “our way” is the right way, we’ll all get along better in spite of our different cultural backgrounds.
That is so true Sandra.
My husband is our family’s provider too, and I love it like that. It is so freeing to be able to do things the way I want, and order my day the way I want, and have the opportunity to enjoy my kids all day!
What interests me so much about this is that, although I am not married yet, I am in a long term relationship with someone, and we have talked about, how, if we get married, he would like to support me, while I take care of the home. It’s one of the reasons, he says, that he has not asked me to marry him yet – because, right now, he couldn’t support us. I actually really like the idea of taking care of him and our home. I happen to enjoy caring for a home, and I love cooking. I’m already afraid that if I do this, people will critisize me for it. I think they are totally missing the point of feminism – feminism doesn’t mean “you must work outside the home”, and it doesn’t mean “having a man support you is wrong”, it means “women can do whatever they want!”, and if staying home to care for you home or children or both is what anyone wants to do, they should be free to do it!
I could not have said it better Julia.
Well, I must say that my home is also a bi cultural home. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico and my husband is from North Carolina. We met in the US ARMY and this year we celebrated our 12 anniversary. We have two amazing kids and we love our family life. Puerto Rican’s a bit different than Mexicans but we do share some of the same values. We have a strong sense of family and we are very hard-working people. I think that blending two cultures create an amazing and unique family.
I could not agree more.