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Rita Reviews

living my best possible southern life

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What A Mess

As  I sit here and write this post I have a list of about 16 other articles I need to be writing to be caught up with everything and back on track. Not to mention the million other things that need to be taken care of right now at this moment. To make matters worse I don’t know if my marriage is over or if we can pull through all of this. My entire life seems to be in a mess.

I have spent the last few nights crying myself to sleep, I have horrible headaches, and to be honest I have felt like just giving up on everything. As I stood in the shower tonight I told God I was finished! I was sick and tired of praying to a God that either doesn’t care or refuses to help me with the smallest of details. Yesterday I felt disappointed more than ever. I needed God’s guiding hand yesterday more than anything and didn’t get it.

Then last night I heard God’s voice telling me to be strong and don’t worry he is taking care of everything only to have today be even worse. I wasn’t going to write about faith or anything anymore. In fact I wasn’t sure I was going to keep going at all with any of this. But this post won’t go away, something inside me just had to come out. Just like something inside me won’t give up. I don’t know if it is stubbornness or what.  Everyone tells me to just give up on Edgar, that he doesn’t me treat the way I deserve.

They are right he doesn’t always but I love him. Right or wrong I love him. I have spent so long quitting in my life, just giving up because I followed what everyone else said. I could walk away, make everyone happy, and spend the rest of my own life miserable.  I can stay and fight and still lose. I can continue to pray and never hear another word from God. I don’t know, I don’t know why I am sharing all of this. So what do I do?

I haven’t got the first clue. I know that for whatever reason God wanted me to share this with you. I don’t know if I am going to believe in God anymore or where my faith stands. Everything has been tested to breaking point. I have some faith articles that were scheduled, I trashed them, and then put them back.  Right now the only thing I do know is that I don’t know.

Rita
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I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.

Comments

  1. I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I commend you for pushing through when others have told you to give up. I won’t even attempt to offer any advice or quote a hallmark card that’s supposed to make everything better. What I do have to offer is prayer and that’s prayer to a good God, who does love you, does see you, and does care about you. I pray that you would be intimately connected to Jesus and experience him through the joy and the sorrow alike. I would encourage you to continue coming to Jesus with your problems and questioning His presence through your troubled times. And I would encourage you to read the Psalms, starting on Psalm 1 and just reading a few each day. Thank you for being open, honest and vulnerable.

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Although I don’t know the circumstances I say don’t give up because if you do fight and still lose at least you won’t have any regrets that you didn’t give your all. Remember everything can be put aside you have to take care of yourself. I’ve had quite a rough two weeks I took a break this past weekend from everything and I have to say it puts things in perspective. You’ll be in my thoughts Hun!

    • Fighting is all I have left right now. I just feel like if I give up then I will have failed the most important “job” in my life.

  3. I too have had my issues with questioning God and my faith lately. I have Lupus and I am so sick, and have been for over a year now with what seems like no end in sight. I have been battling this disease for over 30 years. I tell myself every day “By His stripes I am healed, by His stripes I am healed” over and over. But I am not healed I am getting worse every day. But I can’t give up and neither can you. Everything is in His time. I will prayer for you and for me to have strength. By His stripes we are healed!

    • Robin,
      I am praying for you. My faith may not be what it should be but I hope that my prayers help God heal you.

  4. I am so sorry, Rita. I don’t have “faith” in the way that you are talking about. But what I do know is that I spent a whole huge part of my life trying to do what “everyone” told me, trying to live up to what “they” thought were the values and ideals I should have–in other words, trying to live *their* lives. I was even told by these other people that whatever they were pushing was what “God” wanted for me. But at the end of the day, not only did I never please everyone else, I was miserable myself. So…what? The truth is that you are going through your own trials. While it is okay to hear what others have to say, they are not in your shoes. Take care.

    • Thank you. I have spent so many years doing what others wanted. It was actually my husband who showed me that is was okay to make myself happy first. With my family it is so hard because they can be so domineering at times. I am getting there though

  5. Rita just think about the Israelites back in the day and the horrible things they did against God and he still continued to take care of them and bring them through some serious trails. God does not give up on us so my prayer for you is that you don’t give up on God. I can totally relate to what you are saying where you marriage is concerned. My husband is a very difficult person but like you I love him and don’t want to give up. I try to find the small victories where he is concerned. Hang in there and try to think of other tough times in your life when God has brought you through these times.

  6. Wow, sounds like you are having a rough time. ((((((HUGS))))) I wish I knew what to say in times like this. I struggle with the words to say to comfort others. But when things get hard, or frustrating, or you feel like giving up just know that there will always be people who support you, love you and will be there for you if you need it. I know words are just that ‘words’ that they don’t take away the pain or the headaches or tears. But positive thoughts, prayers and pushing forward will help. I hate to sound cliche but….remember the poem footprints in the sand…. “the times when you only saw one set of footprints is when I carried you” and Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 Everything has a place and time. Don’t give in to what others think or say it will only lead to regrets and more heartache (I say this from experience) And above all remember that “Everything happens for a reason”

  7. There are always things that do not make sense. I remember praying and begging god to make my parents get divorced or separate when I was 10 years old. I hated it. I didn’t understand why god would allow a child to go through what I had to go through. I became angry and I was angry at god for a LONG time. Eventually, I realized that there were things I needed to go through to get me to where I am. I wouldn’t be who I am today, where I am today, if I hadn’t gone through those things. Sometimes I think about that song, Unanswered prayers, because who knows where I would be if everything I prayed for happened to me. Whatever you are going through, maybe it’s to make you stronger in the long run or to lead you to place where you will realize you wouldn’t be where you are, if you hadn’t of gone through what you are currently going through. Who knows if I am even making sense now. It sounds funny. LOL!

    • It doesn’t sound funny. Everything we go through does make us stronger. I am still confused and unsure about so many things but I keep praying that God will lead me to where I need to be.

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