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No More This Year

This is a post that I never thought I would write. I won’t be adding anymore post here for the rest of this year. Some things happened last night (I won’t share the details) that crushed my faith and I am now faced with the difficult decision of where to go from here.

As of right now I will not be doing away with this website but I also don’t know that I will not go that route. There is simply no faith left at this moment. All these years of struggling and especially in the last few weeks. I got on my knees every night and prayed, asked for God’s help in various things and last night God let me down.

Where I go from here in faith I just don’t know at this moment. I will of course still be doing the camera giveaway here and will be replying to any comments left. I just need to decide now if faith is worth the struggle anymore or if I simply give up on it the way God has given up on me.

Rita
Website | + posts

I live in a small Georgia town that you most likely have never heard of and I LOVE it! My house is more than full as I am a single mother of four & caregiver to my aging mother and uncle. Lover of all things Outlander. Goes to the beat of her own drum woman.

Comments

  1. I am so sorry. I can feel your pain reading this. It is so much work for both blogs so I’m sure we all understand this while you work on what is most important in your life. Prayers for you and your struggle.

    • Thank you Deb. This was not something I wanted to do but right now I don’t want to be a hypocrite and talk about how wonderful God is when I have lost all faith.

  2. I am so sorry you have lost your faith at this time. I really hope and pray that very soon your faith is restored and things look better for you. I completely understand not wanting to talk about what you are not really believing at this time.

  3. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you find your way through to the other side more or less intact. You are strong.

  4. i am so sorry 🙁 i dont know whats going on, honestly i found your blog through your camera giveaway but i hope that things get better soon, and please dont let your faith be broken, without faith we have nothing.

    • I am glad that you discovered me through my camera giveaway and sorry that right now this is all you will get to know. Thank you for your kind words.

  5. I am sorry that you’re going through this. You are an inspiration to me everyday. I don’t know that I have the “faith” that you did. All I can say is that I want to believe and a lot of the time I don’t. I may not know your situation, but I am here if you need someone to talk to.

    • I know that you are. Right now I just don’t feel I share anything. It is something that I have to just go through

  6. I understand questioning faith. I did that in a huge way when my daughter died. My life had been very hard before she was born. I came from a place of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. My daughter was the very first person I ever loved. It seemed crueler than cruel when my prayers were answered. It’s taken me years to come back around.

    All this to let you know I do get it. I commend you for speaking honestly here. I of course do not know what happened in your personal life – but I suspect it must have been a big thing for you to be in this mindset. I am sending my love to you as you get through the coming days, weeks or however long it takes for you to get through it. And that is the only way – through it. Can’t get around it.

    Gentle thoughts Rita. Your heart knows what is best. Trust it.

    • Thank you Wendy. I know that you have struggled as well and came out the other side of it. I know what you mean when it seemed crueler than cruel. When you want something so much only to get it and have it taken away hurts more than words can ever say.

  7. Rita, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through something so shattering to your faith. I can only imagine what it is. I will pray for you and your family. This year has been tough for me as we’ll, so I can understand. Sometimes I wonder what God is trying to tell me. What is His plan for me?
    Take time to heal and when you are ready and want to find your faith again, I hope you do.

    Diana C

  8. Oh Rita, My heart aches for you. I know how much this blog and your journey to finding God has meant to you. Whatever it is that has crushed your world, I hope you find some peace. You and your family will be in my prayers. If or when you choose to return to this blog, we will be here for you. We are all truly blessed to have our little piece of you in our lives.

    • Thank you Tammy. This blog and my journey has meant so much to me and I had felt like I was finally getting there. TO the place where I had complete faith in God and was giving him complete control.

  9. OH Rita I am so sorry…sometimes you think the clouds can not be any more gray. I know there are many times we doubt…let down by our God and the people who have been set in our paths. There are no words to make you feel better, to gain ground back in your faith because faith IS the actual journey we each take and within that ONLY YOU know. I have had a hard time letting that part of my life back “in” after 13 full years of poor health and loss of work, loss of driving, loss of walking now…it is so angering you just want to spew. The day by days get me through the little things and with big things, it can take months if not years. It is your walk hon. I can only imagine what is unraveling…I wondered how this might go. You need to take care of YOU right now and not think any further. That is not selfish. God gave you life to take CARE of it…not every one else first. Yes God wants us to mission and care for others, but It is through caring for self that we are able to gift ourselves, our time and efforts to others. You have to do this kiddo. Please please know we are all thinking of you.

    • Eileen,
      Thank you! I know things have been difficult for you recently as well. I know that I need to take care of myself and heal. Right now I just don’t know about anything, I am in limbo

  10. Rita ~ God did and does hear your prayers, but he doesn’t always answer in ways that we want or understand. I am so sorry for whatever has brought you to this, though I have felt your pain and wandering in your words. My prayers are with you alwasy.

  11. Oh Rita I am so sorry. I know he hears your prayers and my opinion is God only gives you what you can handle and hes testing right now what you can handle but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care or love you. I pray that whatever is going on is going to be ok and I know you will come out on the other side stronger!

  12. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I pray that you don’t give up on God I know he has not given up on you. Just think of the Israelites and how many times God helped them in miraculous ways, he is powerful and mighty enough to help you with whatever you are going through.

    Hebrews 3:7-9
    New International Version (NIV)
    Warning Against Unbelief

    7 So, as the Holy Spirit says:

    “Today, if you hear his voice,
    8 do not harden your hearts
    as you did in the rebellion,
    during the time of testing in the wilderness,
    9 where your ancestors tested and tried me,
    though for forty years they saw what I did.

    • I hope that you are right Denise. I have been thinking about all of the things that God did in the Bible as well. I never expected him to hand me something but to maybe help the conditions be right. To believe enough in me that I could do it even if I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. I just feel as though he has slapped me in the face

  13. I am an atheist and I found your blog through your camera giveaway. It makes very sad to see that you have lost your faith. I know that is a huge thing for people who believe in God. I hope that things get better for you. Time heals all wounds.

  14. I am so sorry, i also found your blog thru the camera giveaway and saw this post and wanted you to know that First, it is OK to take time for yourself to figure things out. I am not a very religiously person myself, i do believe in God, but i have family members who have been thru some very serious things (losing two children in a fire) and she has incrediable faith – not sure if I could handle that myself but everyone handles the “tough things” differently and it’s OK. You gotta do what you gotta do. Take time to collect yourself. I hope things get better.

    • Thank you Lisa. My faith has been rocky and I have been struggling to find it and have a relationship with God but now I just don’t know.

  15. You know Rita,, it’s not God that’s doing this, the closer we are to God and the more we love him and the more we are happy makes Satan angry, he’s the one doing this, it’s not God seeing how strong you are but Satan doing his ugliness..don’t let him win, you cannot lose your faith.without faith we are nothing..you need to know that and get back to where you once were with it!! Oh my gosh you need to go see a priest or someone that you are close that has a strong devotion that can help you through this…don’t let satan win! I’ll pary for you!

    • I went to the church yesterday, made it all the way to the door and then turned around. I saw my priest later at the post office (small town) and he told me he would leave the keys to the sanctuary in the box. He had seen me heading for the door and then turn around. I haven’t back yet but I know that those keys are there when and if I am ready.

  16. I am so sorry Rita. I will pray for you! I don’t know what’s going on, and quite frankly, it’s none of my business, but I will definitely keep you in my thoughts & prayers & I am here for you if you need to talk.

    • Thank you Jessica! I appreciate that so many of you are there for me. Right now I just can’t talk about it but maybe I will be able to one day.

  17. I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that things turn around for you and that you can restore your faith. Thinking about you!

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