How To Be Mindful About Your Young Child’s Friend Group

There are many obligations and responsibilities to fulfil as a parent. While much of looking after your little one is common sense, it’s fair to say that there’s a wide amount of discussion to be had over the little elements of childhood. What kind of shows are you happy for your child to watch? What age should they be allowed to use the internet? When is their specific bedtime?

These ar all questions for you to answer. But one questionable challenge that many parents struggle with is how to curate the friendships and social experiences of their child. They have peers at school of course, but who they become friends with is often out of your hands. However, you can certainly encourage them towards or discourse them away from some children depending on your preferences.

But how do you achieve that, and how do you influence the best outcome with care? Let’s explore this below:

Encourage Friendships With Polite Children Who Share

It makes a lot of sense that you would want your child to be friends with other kids who are kind and have good manners. These are the children who might say please and thank you, who understand how to take turns, and who share their toys without a fuss. Not all children are perfect 100% of the time of course, but you know those who are a bit more gentle and have a kind temperament.

When your child spends time with kids like this, it can influence the positive behaviors you’ve been trying to teach them at home, and they see firsthand how enjoyable it is to interact with others who are considerate. To encourage that, you could try to set up playdates or activities with these children, as maybe you could invite them over for an afternoon of playing in the garden or suggest a trip to the park together.

Consider A Child’s Family

It’s not always just about the child but also the family they come from. You get a sense of a family’s values and how they run their household when you interact with them, and it can be a good idea to consider these influences. Yes, unfortunately, you do have to judge if that’s compatible with the kind of home life you want your child being exposed to. 

Ask yourself if the parents seem involved and caring, or if they have rules and boundaries in place. You’ll probably want to have your child form close friendships with kids from families who have similar values to your own, and that makes things a lot easier for everyone. Note how we said nothing about wealth, identity, or any other markers outside of character. But ultimately, you’re free to determine what values you want your child to be far away from. Even a good family can be going through a tough situation you’d rather your child not see first-hand, like a messy divorce. That’s entirely your choice.

Think About Birthday Invites

Your child might be invited to a party where you’re not sure about the other kids or the circumstances, but you also don’t want your child to feel left out or different. You might feel a certain social pressure to send them anyway, but it’s important to remember that you are the parent and you get to decide what’s best for your child, so you could decide to politely decline the invitation. 

You might want to have a conversation with your child about it, explaining your reasons in a way they can understand, and you can always suggest a fun one-on-one activity for them and their friend instead. It’s a delicate balance because you want them to have social opportunities, but you also want to make sure they are in safe and healthy situations. Just do what you feel is best.

Don’t Feel Obligated To Place Your Child In Questionable Circumstances

There could be times when your child is invited to a playdate or an event that just doesn’t sit right with you for whatever reason, and it’s important to trust your gut in these situations. It’s okay to get involved. If the other child has a history of being unkind or maybe you have a bad feeling about the adults involved, so you have every right to say no without feeling guilty. 

You don’t have to put your child in a situation that you are not comfortable with, even if it might mean a little disappointment in the short term, because your child’s safety and well-being should come first. You can always explain your decision to your child in an age-appropriate way, maybe focusing on finding a different, more suitable activity for them to do instead. The point is not feeling worried about making a decision, or helping them in the right direction.

Have An Open Dialogue With Your Child

The most important thing you can do is have an open and honest conversation with your child about their friendships, as you can start early and keep those lines of communication open as they get older. You can ask them questions about their day at school and who they played with, but you could also ask them how their friendships make them feel. 

Such an approach should help them articulate their feelings and also help you understand the dynamics of their social world. When you talk to them about their relationships, you can also gently guide them toward positive behaviors like sharing and being kind to others. It’s also a good way to teach them about those kids cooperating with each other, so they understand the give and take of healthy relationships. If you can do that, you may be surprised that your child slowly begins to gravitate towards people you deem most appropriate. Having an open dialogue with your child in this way can make them feel like they’re encouraged to make good friends and even if you’re intervened in the past, that you don’t want them alone or worried about who to connect with.

With this advice, you’ll hopefully manage that delicate balance when caring for your child’s friend group.